Rick's frustration was evident as he asked his colleagues on MiddleWeb Listserv
for their ideas concerning how to get parents involved in his school's learning
community. His question led to reflection on the real meaning of parent
"involvement" and whether most schools really know how to engage
parents and families.
We held our annual spring Open House last night, and I was disappointed
at the number of parents who showed up. We provide busing for parents in
all of our feeder areas, yet the number of parents who attended was quite
dismal. Does anyone have alternative springtime ideas for keeping parents
involved throughout the school year?
- Rick
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Mary Bess offered a number suggestions of how to boost parent participation.
Showcase the band, chorus, or the other student extracurricular clubs/organizations
---they can perform, report on their group's activities, have informational
booths.
Invite students to read poetry, essays, or other original works. Invite
the art students to create a display of their projects. Have science projects,
reports, or posters on display.
Have Parent-Child activities scheduled like trivia quizzes, math tan gram
races, PE activities like an obstacle course, hoop-shoot, etc.... Provide
a babysitting room for small children, and, of course...the clincher ---
serve food!
These are all sure-fire ways to boost parent participation. These can be
ongoing activities scheduled throughout the evening as parents move from
room to room meeting with and talking with their child's teachers.
- Mary Bess
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Rick responded to Mary Bess' suggestions.
Thanks for the response! Unfortunately, we did everything you mentioned
except showcasing art because we have no art classes. The parents are just
not as interested in school when there are only a few weeks left for some
reason.
- Rick
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Sid shared an interesting method their school used to increase Open House
attendance.
Something we did at a school I was at previously was to give the kids
a half day off of school if their parents came to open house. We held ours
in the fall and would get 80-85% participation. Our thinking on the deal
was anything to get them in the door. Once inside we would do all the kinds
of things Mary Bess wrote about. The school was a fair sized middle school
500 kids, 70% minority 50% of parents were non-English speaking. The first
year I don't think the kids really believed we would give them the half-day.
Like I said it was in the fall and we would pick a Friday afternoon later
on in the semester and allow them to go home early that day.
- Sid
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Maureen agreed with Ricks' concerns and frustrations.
My school is in a small town outside of Austin, Texas. has the exact
same problem.
Some say feed them and they will come. That did help some but still dismal
as well. This is a quandary that the principal and teachers have at my school.
Anyone have any suggestions? Our families are 1/3 each of Caucasian, African
American and Hispanic. Most are low socio-economic but not all.
Looking forward to hearing from the others.
- Maureen
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Paul made an unconventional suggestion.
Charge the parents. Charge for busing, charge for entry, sell raffle
tickets. The charges need not be high but at least there is a value to what
you offer. Sounds crass, but if it's free, then what are the parents missing
if they don't come and you know in advance how many will. Phone them in
advance if they don't buy an entry ticket and ask if they are coming.
It works with us. Students sell tickets to their for slices of pizza. The
income is really not the issue because you are budgeted for the program.
The income just offsets the prizes. It works here.
- Paul
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Instead of applying a quick fix, Debbie suggested looking for the root
issue behind a lack of involvement in our parent communities.
The question/problem of family engagement seems to come up for all of
us. I'm wondering if we have ever asked family members why they don't get,
or stay involved, and what they would like to see as avenues for entry and
or engagement. We always say the same things about food, student performances
etc. I feel like we're missing something central and while all families
may not be willing or conscious of why they're not getting involved, starting
these conversations might be a good starting point.
- Debbie (an involved parent who became a teacher...)
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Juli pointed out the importance of rethinking how we approach parent
involvement.
I'm going to write about what I have learned about this topic. You may
take it with a grain of salt. This last year I changed schools. One of the
big reasons was because of the staff discussions about parent involvement.
They showed the staff's complete misunderstanding of what could get parents
involved in school.
We provided buses for parents for every back to school and open house. We
provided parenting classes on our site with transportation. Nothing worked!
However, if students gave a musical or theater arts performance or if they
were honored at an assembly or graduation, lots of parents came.
When the staff talked about parents there was lots of deficit language.
At my new school, I work with staff that speaks the same language and is
of the same cultural background as the parents. Things are completely different.
This doesn't mean there aren't any issues but problems can be solved. It's
because of the caring and sensitive nature of these staff members to the
many different cultures in our school.
Often other schools will ask some of these staff for suggestions and when
they are given, they are totally disregarded out of hand. "We can't
do that. That would never work."
We really need to rethink our approaches to parent involvement. You are
on the right track.
- Juli
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Debbie asked Juli for clarification on her previous posting.
Could you be more specific about both the deficit language model and
the "same" language you feel your new staff uses with parents.
I think we often approach parents and students from a deficit mindset and
then wonder why they don't like it.
- Debbie
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Juli provided additional explanation concerning the importance of teachers
having an understanding of the cultural innuendos and language of their
parent community.
About the "same" language members of my new staff use with parents--
I was referring to our Cambodian teachers working with our Cambodian parents.
(We have a large Cambodian community in Long Beach and in our school.) This
isn't a just Para professional who speaks the same language but highly respected,
well educated members of the Cambodian community who have worked as teachers
and with parents for many years both in Cambodia and here. They are an invaluable
resource to our school and to the families they serve. I never work with
a parent without asking them first. They tell me how to do it or often volunteer
to talk to the parent. It depends on what they think will be most effective
in the particular situation. I think this kind of resource is imperative.
We must have teachers in our schools who can model for the rest of us "how
to do it."
About the deficit language model - I personally think it is our responsibility
as professionals to "clean up our language" in regards to parents.
I have seen teachers that I highly respected for their classroom work treat
parents with disrespect, misunderstanding, and downright rudeness.
I am not perfect, in any regard, but I much prefer to work with teachers
who are not just sensitive to students and families but well educated about
what support families need to help their students succeed.
Language like -
"They don't ever make their kids do their homework."
"They don't care how their kids act at school."
"They just want to take advantage of the free breakfast and lunch."
"They never come to meetings."
shows a complete lack of understanding of how parents from different cultures
and different backgrounds interact with schools and school personnel.
And we really need to look at how we meet with parents when they do come
to school. I have been in meetings with parents and students where everyone
sat around and said nothing but negative things about the student. It's
a humiliating and degrading thing to see, let alone be the target.
I'm trying to learn new ways of reaching out. I think first I need to look
inside myself and take stock of my own feelings, then start looking for
resources.
- Juli
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Ellen agreed with Juli's suggestion that administration and teachers
need to develop a clear understanding of the unique individuals that make
up our parental community.
Yes, PLEASE, please tell us more about this. Although we have some serious
problems with our parents and the way our administration is dealing with
them, I also think my team (myself included) are guilty of this. Granted,
sometimes it is difficult not to. We had a parent come up to the school
during the changing of classes, engage in an argument with two of the teachers,
then got into an argument with one of the students. She finally took one
of her daughters (she has two in the 6th grade) books and said, "Kick
her a**," referring to the child she was arguing with, then took a
swing at the child herself. She ended up grabbing her daughter and running
out of the school.
We called security, but it was all over and done before they got there.
We have tried and tried and tried to engage this parent in working with
us with her two daughters, but every time we have asked for assistance we
are met with, "Well, my daughter tells me so and so has been bothering
her for a long time, she told you guys about it, and you did nothing."
She won't listen (or believe us) when we say that the girls haven't come
to us for help or that they are stirring up 80% of what is going on.
We have other parents who believe their children, no matter what, and are
seemingly blind to what their child is doing and actively work against us
and tell their children they can do whatever they want to.
What I am wondering is, what do we do? I think we have really tried, but
as we are attacked and met with opposition when we really do want to problem
solve, I know we have not handled some situations as well as we could have.
How do you begin to build partnerships with parents like these?
And what I really don't get is I had the son and another daughter of the
woman I referred to earlier for the past two years, and we have had few
problems from the children or the parent. In fact, they were extremely supportive
the couple of times I had to call them (their daughter skipped my class
one day; they put the fear of a higher power into her.).
We are frustrated and out of solutions. I know we would really welcome any
ideas about how to "do" this better in the future. I, for one,
cannot deal with a year like this again. And I wonder how much the new problems
with our parents are due to our principal caving in to parents and allowing
them to berate teachers (unjustifiably) in front of her.
Thanks in advance for your ear and your help.
- Ellen
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Juli responded to Ellen's comments.
Working with difficult parents is very challenging. The only advice
I have to offer is what I am sure you have already done. Try to find someone
who can deal effectively with the parent. At one school where I worked it
was the custodian, believe it or not. He was the one who had the respect
of the community. If he told them the kid was out of line, they believed
him and did something about it.
Unfortunately, I think some parents have different agendas than ours at
school. They come with their personal agenda and we have to try to figure
out what it is. It can really be problematic.
Where I have worked previously, some parents could only meet with school
personnel in the presence of the police or school security.
- Juli
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Naomi stressed the importance of increased communication and personal
contact with parents.
The way we were able to get a high percentage of our parents to participate
was to give several notices, starting about a month before the event, and
have advisors follow up with phone calls to the families of their advisees.
Sometimes student made personal invitations too.
- Naomi
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Faith offered suggestions that helped improve parental involvement in
her high-needs school district.
I taught 10 years in rural Appalachia (northern Georgia) where parent
involvement was dismal at first. We worked on getting the participation
higher. Here are some ideas that may help now or maybe in the future....
We made sure we had some type of student performance or grade level presentation
for each meet. Parents like to see their kids perform!!
We offered door prizes (donated by local businesses). Each parent was given
a ticket at the door and the prize was drawn at the "end" (we
found that the parents would grab their prize and leave!!!!) Too bad that
we had to use bribery but they came!
Homeroom competitions were held. The homeroom with the most parents in attendance
received recognition and a reward (usually a $25 gift certificate from the
local educational store).
I think in middle school "getting the word out" is the key. Posting
the meetings on the "markee" and really advertising it worked
well (the gift certif. really pushed the teachers to advertise as well).
- Faith
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Mary Anne expressed insights that moved well past a band aid solution
to this problem to the root cause.
Like many of you, much of my experience has been in areas where the
incidence of poverty is high. One of the things a principal told me many
years ago, is that we have to remember that many of our parents were unsuccessful
at school. Therefore, when they step into a school all those feelings of
inadequacy come flooding back. Many of our parents are uncomfortable returning
to a place where they failed. They relate to their children when their children
come home with failing grades rather than to the teacher who claims they
could be successful.
Turning the situation around is extremely difficult. It is like a cycle
that we get stuck in and breaking it is really tough. I'm reading Lisa Delpit's
"Other People's Children" and it is reminding me of all those
things I know--but I forget when I get frustrated because a parent doesn't
show up for a meeting.
http://www.edweek.org/tm/tmstory.cfm?slug=07liberal4.h11
There has to be a way to make parents more comfortable in the school setting.
We have tried food, computer classes, opening the library after hours, trying
to be more available to the parents, more programs with kids involved, parenting
classes--but when you think about it--it is all "school stuff".
Anyone have any more ideas--
- Mary Anne
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Karen suggested meeting with parents on neutral territory.
We have had some success with having meetings in a neutral place. In
our community, we have a large population of Hispanics and we have met in
the community center that is in the area where there is a concentration
of Hispanic families. Our elementary schools do not have this problem of
involving parents as much and I would suggest secondary people meeting at
an elementary school where the families have had much more involvement typically.
This would work mostly for larger group meetings rather than individual
parent conferences but we have to start somewhere.
- Karen
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Debbie shared ideas designed to "peel back the layers of a legacy
of misunderstanding and disrespect that often goes unchallenged in our schools."
Last night in Lancaster, I was part of an Open Space session on parental
engagement. Here's an overview of things I heard/learned:
http://www.globalchicago.net/ost/index.html
1. We need to stop talking "at" family members and start/continue
to make personal connections.
2. We need to ask parents/family members what they need and or want from
their relationship to our schools.
3. We need to surface and examine our assumptions about families. We need
to exercise special caution when we slip into the "us/them" mode
as evidenced by the "those people..." language that Juli mentioned
in her response.
4. We need to make phone calls, connect on the schoolyard, make home visits
etc.
5. We need to ask lots more questions about homework etc. What's real, what's
not etc?
6. We also talked about the need to make sure our kids knew that we valued
their families and understood that verbal literacy and storytelling were
also worthwhile. We recognized our tendency to sometimes value reading and
the presence of books as the only hallmark of a home that is rich in terms
of literacy.
7.We discussed conferences and their limited value for families and teachers.
We expressed interest in student led conferences and having a more flexible
approach to ongoing communication.
8. We talked about the need to have conversations about conflict resolution
and zero tolerance for fighting etc. (Too often families hear the rules
without any effort to build a process. Parents who have taught their children
to defend themselves are treated like criminals.)
It was great to talk to teachers, who were open to peeling back the layers
of a legacy o f misunderstanding and disrespect that often goes unchallenged
in our schools.
- Debbie
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Caron shared a comment.
We started Student Led Conferences this year and they were quite successful.
- Caron
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Michelle, a former middle school principal, shared ways her school endeavored
to involve their parents.
Deb wrote a very poignant response about parent involvement. In response
to that, I'd like to provide a few examples of ways we tried to "bring
parents to the table" when I was principal at BCMS.
Foremost, we had to develop a culture in our office and in the school that
said, "We are ALL in this together." We had to learn to look to
"those people" as our partners in education. That meant that we
didn't talk down to parents or those outside our school, none of us did,
and if I heard us doing it, as the principal, I had to stop it. It meant
that we had to pull our chairs beside parents - not across from them. It
meant that we had to find ways to validate kids and parents (for their parenting
skills) even when the kid was in trouble. There is always good in everyone.
It also meant that we had to be perceptive, according to just body language
or subtle choices of words, to read how parents really felt about school
in general, not just our school. You see, we're in the middle, truly. I
used to say, "Sometimes we have to resolve battles we didn't start."
The elem. school could have made them mad, or they could be a high school
dropout, and the last memory they have of school or the principal's office
is the day they quit school themselves. Parents are just like our kids.
We must open our arms to each of them...those who are clean and well kempt,
and those who are not.
This also means we have to think differently about communicating with them.
Some parents work two jobs to make ends meet. Some don't ever talk to their
kids. For this, we purchased an "Information on Demand" system,
like the automated system that credit card companies use, that allows parents
to access, with a PIN number and their student's SS number, their child's
attendance, grades and discipline by phone 24 hours a day. BCMS is purchasing
the web version of this for next year.
We had also started discussions with some of the larger employers in the
area about holding some sort of parent meetings at the work place, at break
time. We had also planned "principal coffee hours" and student-led
conferences for the next year. We also were able to offer many parenting
classes, etc., through our 21st Century Community Learning Center.
Of course we had the monthly newsletters, weekly radio shows, and school
website, school magnetic calendar for the refrigerator, and traditional
parent-teacher conferences on teacher's planning time at any time as well
as school-wide twice a year. We also had an after-school homework session,
and our Youth Service Center contacted parents so students could stay after
school to finish their homework.
Now, all that said, did we really address the non-reading parents, consistently?
Were we communicating with them? Honestly, I don't think so. Any ideas for
that?
- Michelle
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Juli encouraged further talk about parents and parental involvement down
the road.
I'm glad we've kept this conversation about parents going. Perhaps we
could come up with some recommendations as we move along. It sounds like
parent involvement may depend upon parent understanding and parent/student/family
relationships with our schools.
- Juli
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