Holly's sad and simple message to the List sparked an emotionally
powerful discussion that lingered for many days. It began with a focus on
negative student behaviors -- depression, self-mutilation, thoughts of suicide
-- and evolved into some sensitive sharing by teachers of their personal
traumatic experiences. Throughout this often painful discussion, the care
and concern that many educators have for their students came through.
We just had a girl commit suicide on Thursday. The kids were told on
Friday. I just hope we don't have anyone duplicate.
- Holly
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Holly's posting prompted Brenda to ask a number of pointed questions.
Does anyone besides me notice a change in how young people are dealing
with the stresses in their lives? The counselor in our middle school shared
that there is a big increase in the number of girls in our two grade-8 classes
involved in self-mutilation. He is concerned about discussing this issue
en masse as he wonders if a "copycat" mentality may develop.
Does anyone have experience with this? Why are kids turning to self-mutilation
and suicide in larger numbers?
Sincerely, Brenda
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Reflective writing provides an outlet for expressing one's feelings. Debbie
Bambino explained how she used this tool when working with troubled teens.
While I have not experienced a suicide I have lost students and, of
course, we have all gone through Columbine and Sept. 11th. I have always
found that guided writing and response journals are really helpful.
I think the biggest problem occurs when a staff gets scared and shuts down,
conducting business as usual as if nothing has happened.
Our students, our children, often feel anonymous and I think this is our
greatest crisis. If we can help them to see that they are important members
of our communities, I don't think self-mutilation and suicide will have
the same appeal. Of course it is hard to consistently build community when
class size/ student load is large and the demands for higher test scores
keep getting pushed to the forefront.
I read the novel, SPEAK by Laurie Halse Anderson recently and it gave me
some insight into just how alone some of our girls may be feeling.
[SPEAK:
"Laurie Halse Anderson's first novel is a stunning and sympathetic
tribute to the teenage outcast."]
- Debbie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Michelle shared an administrative perspective on this topic.
This was one of the things I had to come to grips with, early on, as
an administrator. As teachers, I'm not sure we notice the overall implications,
from day to day. However, as a whole, we saw more students experimenting
in cult-type worship, which can lead to Columbine-like incidents. We took
a hard-line approach, and contacted every parent of students we found out,
had a long sit-down discussion, and made strong recommendations for counseling,
etc. We would also immediately refer them to our Student Assistance Program
and to School Counseling, in school.
The year before I came to that school, they had a boy commit suicide, so
as you can imagine, the suicide threats were taken very seriously as well.
I say all this to say I don't know that we have the data to show increases
in these types of things, maybe that we are just more aware. A friend of
mine who is a principal in NYC said that their counselors told them that
the 6-month to one-year anniversary of 9/11 would be the most pertinent
time for students to display their emotions, not the first six months, so
this may or may not be having an effect.
This is just another example of how we have to deal with the whole child
in order to truly educate. If we forget one piece, we've lost a part of
the big picture and the highest level of success. Hard job, huh?
- Michelle
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Linda pointed out the need to differentiate between self-mutilation and
suicide attempts.
This year our team has also had its first instances of (self-mutilation).
One young lady was hospitalized after two weeks of concealing. The others
are going to guidance once a week for a while. So far, we haven't learned
what caused this young lady to do this. We were given an article that stressed
that self-mutilation
is not a suicide attempt. They are often two different things.
- Linda
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Deborah Bova provided additional information about students who self-mutilate.
Spring is the time of suicides, research shows. Girls who have been
molested do most of the self-mutilating. I just read a book Cut,
and this did not deal with molestation. Crosses,
another book on cutters is insightful. If a girl is cutting, the pain she
is suppressing is unbelievable. If they are cutting, they need help.
Also, check out "Asking Ophelia" for more info on cutters.
[Also see "A
Bright Red Scream : Self-Mutilation and the Language of Pain."]
I used to have many books that I felt helped parents and kids. Some of them
were self-help books like In
Love and In Danger. Crosses and Cut are others. Many of the cutters
become anorexic after they stop cutting. I have removed these books from
my room since the pressure was on for me not to have this type of book in
an English class.
In my parents-sharing-books programs, parents learned from these books about
the underground world of middle level kids and the terrible pressures they
endure. I felt the books helped, but many schools are scared to have them
-- thinking they inspire the behavior they are discussing. On the contrary,
I feel they moralize and allow kids to see the risks one takes when exploring
these choices. Isn't it better to dabble in print rather than in real life
risky choices?
- Deborah
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Brenda took the topic to a more personal level.
Thank you for all the responses to my posting on this troubling topic.
I feel compelled to share my story.
You may have the impression, due to my question, that I am unfamiliar with
the issues of self-mutilation and suicide. This is not so. Seven years ago,
my grade-9 daughter presented symptoms of depression, self-mutilation and
even suicide. It was a time of great confusion for her and for those of
us who walked her through this time.
My knowledge of such things went from zero to almost more than one cares
to know, in a very short time. Our family struggled with not understanding,
wondering if we were responsible for her inner pain and fear that she wouldn't
recover. We suffered for the most part, alone because of the stigma of mental
illness and other people's misunderstanding of it. Books such as "Reviving
Ophelia" by Mary Pipher, provided insights into this illness that eventually
led to further understanding. All of us celebrated as our daughter/sister
finished high school, became the valedictorian of her graduating class,
and went onto becoming an EMTa (Emergency Medical Technician- Ambulance)
by the time she was 20.
Did she live happily ever after? I wish I could say that she did. Unfortunately
some of the demons that plagued her at 15 continue to raise their ugly heads
from time to time. The past three months have found us revisiting some of
the same issues, but the difference this time is that I know that wellness
is possible, that there is great importance in dealing with the issues thoroughly
and that much can be shared with others via our learning. Counseling was
and is critical.
This week I discussed the Grade 8 issues (self-mutilation) at our school
with her. My daughter had a number of recommendations that she wanted me
to share with my counselor and with anyone else who deals with young teens:
- Do not address these issues corporately. Deal with the individuals privately.
The power of suggestion is great at Grade 8 and the source of these girls's
conflict will vary. My daughter first learned about the benefits of self-mutilation
from a Grade 8 classmate who was depressed.
- Do not assign health projects on eating disorders, self-mutilation, or
depression. Students will learn more than is healthy for them to know --
information that will provide them with additional ways to carry these acts
out.
- Counseling is imperative for these students.
- Families need support and counseling almost as much as the student will
- Continue to follow up on these kids even when improvement seems evident.
"No news" isn't always good news.
- Never consider self-mutilation as an attention-getting tool. Happy, well-adjusted
kids don't self-mutilate. Students who self mutilate will easily transition
to suicide
- Don't stop counseling prematurely. Do the work necessary to get better
and then do periodic checkups
- Medication (antidepressants) should be considered. Teens are often sloppy
in taking their meds or will suddenly decide to not take their pills. Consistency
is very important.
Although I would never have chosen to walk this road with one of my kids
I would never give up the learning from that journey. I have gotten to know
and appreciation for the unique person my daughter is, in a way that I know
wouldn't have been possible any other way. It has given me a heart for hurting
teens -- I can spot them a mile away and have had many opportunities to
work with moms and dads that are on the steep learning curve that goes with
having an ill teen.
When my daughter was doing her EMT practicum last year, a mom and her 15
year old came into Emergency one night. The girl had taken a pill overdose.
The mom was devastated and the kid was very sick. My daughter sat with this
mom and 15 year old all night, the girl with her head on my daughter's shoulders.
My daughter told the mom her story. Her very presence spoke of the hope
that was still there for her daughter.
I thought of how easily we write tough experiences off instead of embracing
them so we can learn all we can.
Still Learning:
- Brenda
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Debbie responded to Brenda's experience.
Thank you for your honesty and your message of hope. You are on the
mark, as usual, when you refer to the stigma of mental illness. It is always
easier to blame the parents than work together to find the road forward.
I am especially struck by your daughter's perspective against assigning
reports about "disorders." I will share your message with the
CFG coaches' list too.
- Debbie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Kelly expressed her thoughts and concerns.
Brenda - Thanks so much for sharing what must be a painful personal
account. I have students who self-mutilate, and I have a 15-year old daughter,
so I am always on the alert for problems that seem to afflict our daughters/girls
more than the sons/boys. I am going to print out your daughter's advice
and circulate it to our school nurse, guidance counselor, administration,
and my team members.
Once again, thanks so much for being so open.
- Kelly
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ann told her story.
Wow! I am impressed with what folks have written about. Schools still
do not handle mental illness very well. Schools are on the lookout for bad
guys and causes. We pathologize such kids and their parents and look under
the beds for monsters. We are terrified that good parents, thoughtful parents
can face serious problems with there equally good kids. In fact, "good
people" have kids who stumble and fall. If "good guys" can
have kids with chronic medical problems, how come "good guys"
can't have good kids with chronic mental and emotional problems???
Several years ago my son was having a hard time. To make a long story short,
my husband I hospitalized him for depression and all the teenage stuff that
can go with that illness. The "wonderful, kid-oriented high school"
he went to simply did not know what to do with him.
What made it more difficult for me was that I knew the Headmaster and one
of the House Masters from another teaching situation. (Our children all
attended the same daycare center run by teachers in the system)
My son simply "disappeared." One day he was in school. The next
day he wasn't and he never returned. In fact a few years ago one of his
buddies from his Calculus class approached me at a local pool to ask what
happened to my son. This young man told me that no one told the class where
our son was and how the class might reach him. Given that we live in a small
town and most of these kids knew our son from kindergarten it is stunning
that the school was so lacking in process or sensitivity to the kids in
my son's class, much less my son.
The only time we heard from the school was when I got a routine call from
the school library regarding books my son owed. At this point I "lost
it" called the headmaster and my "Once upon a time friend"
that if a member of the basketball team had gone to the hospital for a routine
checkup and it was discovered that he had a serious illness, the school
would have sprung into action and "teddy bears and balloons would be
going out this kid's door all the way to his house" However, with mental
illness all there is silence. I don't know if I could have handled calls
from kids I barely knew but the school never asked us or our son what they
might say when the inevitable was asked which was.... "Teacher, what
happened to...?"
However I believe my son could have used a teddy bear or two. He certainly
could have used a get-well card, as empty a gesture as such a card might
have been. He certainly could have used the acknowledgment. In any case,
for a school that considered itself so hip to the needs of kids, their strategy
for dealing with our kid was lacking.
In any case, being middle class parents, my husband and I emptied our bank
accounts, got a special Ed lawyer and lobbied big time for services, which
we eventually got. However, I can tell you that these services never quite
fit the bill since my son happened to be gifted as well.
Anyhow, thanks to good guy drugs, a fabulous set of therapists, our temple
and a pretty good set of parents, my son was able to regroup and start again.
Again, several years later there are no real happy endings just a continued
and deepening growing peace of mind.
My son is at a college that enjoys eccentrics. After much struggle he has
found a niche ... an advisor he admires, friends he trusts and most days
the depression lifts. It can return and he resents that he needs to take
drugs that take the "edge off" and make him feel "un-genuine."
He spends a lot of time writing about his past and can get very angry at
school and what happened to him. He hopes to design a school that caters
to all students, not just the teacher pleasers and soccer players. HE just
might. However, nowadays, he does enjoy life, reads a lot, is genuinely
interested in ideas and what life can bring and can be a very sweet empathic
young man. I like him
School? Traditional school? For him and kids like him? I don't know. I do
think such kids still scare and repel people. I think mental illness remains
the last frontier of prejudice.
I understand that we are talking about middle school. My sons' really big
troubles happened in high school. However, such kids can evidence themselves
in middle school.
- Ann
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Joanne shared her own experience and wondered how to best approach students
who are in crisis.
This is such an important topic to air. I received an email from our
counseling office yesterday. One of my students is in severe depression.
I didn't even guess. Now I look back and think of signs I might have noticed,
might have picked up on if I weren't overwhelmed with the daily task of
teaching 190 students.
When I received the email from counseling I replied, asking how I should
"handle" this. I have this girl for 47 minutes a day. I want to
help; yet I don't want to exacerbate her pain. As I read the posts here,
it dawned on me that this is the best place for advice. With all the years
of experience this listserv represents, plus our own personal experiences
with emotional traumas, perhaps we can all benefit from posts like the one
Brenda shared of the advice from her daughter.
At the risk of turning this into an Oprah show, I want to add that I suffer
from clinical depression. I want to add this because I feel like this might
make me more empathetic to a student who suffers the same disease. Thankfully,
medication works for me, but I still have to consciously choose joy regularly
when the pitfalls of life weigh heavy. With my own experience, I want so
much to help this student of mine.
Anyone have advice on how I might help without embarrassing or alienating
this child? How could I live with myself if she chose the path of the student
at Holly's school?
- Joanne
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Deborah directed readers to a useful resource.
An awful lot of kids are depressed. Clinical depression is familial
and probably career related-- teacher wise :). There are some really good
books to help kids and adults. A minister wrote one of the best books that
I have ever used. It is called "Pain
and Pretending". It is actually intended for adults, but middle
level kids do well with it. It requires a great deal of writing on the part
of the person using the book. I used it when I went through a depression
myself, and I have shared it with parents, faculty, and counselors.
Everyone that uses it says it is wonderful. It even has an adult Sunday
school lesson series in the appendix. Here is the problem. It is out of
print. You can go to Amazon.com to find used copies. That is how I got extras.
I would love to tell Richard Buhler how many kids and families he has helped
and that this needs to be released again. My psychiatrist who helped me
when I became clinically depressed gave me it. Many of my students and families
have borrowed sections (I ran them off since I could not buy enough to share
at the same time). Hope it helps. You might share it with the counselor
or family depending on how receptive they are to your support.
- Deborah
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Deborah shared a painful experience with MiddleWeb readers.
Brenda, thank you for sharing. A boy who had sexually attacked seven
girls the year before during a football game sexually attacked our own daughter
in a school hallway. It was not rape, but he forced himself on these girls
-- He was expelled after the seven girls when he was an eighth grader but
allowed to come back the last nine weeks in order to go to the high school
to play football and wrestle. He was a state level wrestler. He was only
a freshman, my daughter a junior.
My daughter was a gifted art student. After the attack on my daughter --
the eighth girl in eleven months -- the boy was supposed to be gone for
good. The school allowed him back due to his athletic ability. He showed
up in the hall face to face with our daughter who was to have been told
of his return by the principal. The principal told us not to tell her--
he would handle it, as it was administrative. We reminded him four times.
She walked out the door and drove away. She missed 37 days of school before
her journalism teacher called saying she was afraid that our daughter would
hurt herself and she is the one who disclosed the absences. No teachers
knew of the molestation except the journalism teacher whose class she had
a pass from when the molest occurred.
The school kept it quiet to protect the boy. Our daughter was hospitalized
-- she told us she was afraid she would hurt herself. Five months after
the molest and much counseling-- she got no cards, teddy bears, or anything...
just " get your work done in two weeks or an F." We did as Brenda--
got a lawyer. I wondered how we as parents ended up in this mess. We settled
ten years later for the medical fees ... some day, I will write a book about
this...
I am still stunned by it all, and like Brenda, I am drawn to the kids that
need that care that so many teachers do not give because they think the
kid is weird or crazy.
- Deborah
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Deborah Bova added to her previous posting.
This young man (who I told the superintendent would kill someone if
his anger and power issues went unabated) went on to kill three women and
a seven-year-old child in a hit and run ... he was driving like a madman
in a neighborhood-- something he had been doing for months, t-boned a car
with people enroute to church, got out and saw the carnage, bounced his
bumper lose, and drove away and hid for two weeks before being turned in
to police.
This happened when he was still a minor. When the super told me he had ten
counseling sessions and was cured, I wanted the name of the counselor as
we wanted to sign up. My daughter was an athlete before developing lupus
related joint problems, so we understand and applaud athletics. My grandkids
are state level gymnasts and powerful soccer players. Athletics helps them
to be better human beings and gives them confidence. It does not and should
not ever be used to mask and funnel anger problems into "flash in the
pan" successes that dilute injurious behavior and choices that affect
other human beings.
- Deborah
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Trish stressed the importance of following up on students who are going
through difficult times.
Just a reminder that mental illness is not the only area ignored by
schools.
When my husband died three years ago my son was 15 years old and devastated
as you can well imagine. When Jared came home from school one day he said
he has trouble concentrating and asked if he could only go to school half
a day. He said all he does in study hall is think and that made him very
sad. After looking at the courses he had taken and what was required to
meet state mandates I found it possible for him to do that, also the fact
he had very pushy parents who made him take extra electives helped!
I contacted the school. In no way would they "cut his schedule to 1/2"
a day. A half-day schedule is what he needed, just to take his core courses
at that point. The school and I went back and forth and then when Jared
reminded me he could quit school (16 is the age in Maine) we both came up
with a plan. I took him out of school and home schooled him for two years.
We developed our own curriculum based around his interests and this worked
out fine.
The sad part is that no one ever called from the school to see how Jared
was doing or how things were going...ever. There are many areas where schools
just turn a blind eye. Like others mentioned on this list, a call would
have meant a lot to Jared. One lesson he learned (among many) is to never
depend on others for your happiness...and I think that is a good thing to
have learned!
- Trish
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Debbie Bambino suggested that the difficult experiences shared in this discussion
string are not isolated incidents but more common than one would
expect.
Deborah's story of her daughter's sexual assault followed by depression
was an example of life imitating art, as in the book SPEAKS. While I am
sorry that anyone has had to live through this experience, I wish I could
say it was an isolated incident. I have friends whose daughter had to change
schools as a senior because of ostracism...she spoke out against a football
star who had physically assaulted her.
I am troubled by the school's message about the value of athletic prowess
over our daughters' safety and I am also disturbed by the message sent to
these young men. Will we be shocked when they go on to abuse women, possibly
as professional athletes, or maybe as private citizens? Our local hockey
team just signed someone "known for their prowess on the ice"...and
for their prior rape conviction etc. etc.
I am upset by this situation. Am I saying that a young man who commits a
sexual offense should be scorned for life, with no hope of rehabilitation...I
hope not. However, I don't think this situation sounds like he has a grip
on his "power issues."
Please understand that I am not against sports or athletes. I have raised
a few myself. I'm just concerned about what we value and the messages we
are sending our girls and our boys.
- Debbie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Debbie wondered if the business of teaching interferes with our ability
to address the emotional needs of students.
Trish wrote of the loss of her husband and its impact on her son. She
went on to talk about the way the school system dropped the ball...
As I continue to read about the sadness we inflict as part of school systems
I find myself wondering what we can do differently in our classrooms.
If we really work at building community in our classes and on our teams,
I would think it would be harder to just lose track of kids when these problems/
realities arise.
Does anyone on the list start his or her classes with "Connections?"
(Connections
are a process where everyone sits in a circular arrangement and spends about
10-15 minutes sharing without follow-up conversation. It has its roots in
Quaker Meeting and we use it in our Critical Friends work and our classrooms.)
I used to use Connections sporadically, but I know a teacher who begins
each day with it in her fifth grade class. One day she was hassled and decided
to skip it because of the number of things she had to get done...a young
man ended up flipping out in class and told the counselor that he was just
so upset about skipping Connections that he lost it. He had wanted to share
something that was troubling him and had not been given the chance. The
student is in the fifth grade.
Are we in too big a hurry to connect with our kids as people? Is our class
load so large that the loss of a few kids is more a relief than a concern?
How do these realities dehumanize us and undercut our efforts to support
our kids?
I taught 310 kids a week, the last time I was a classroom teacher. ( I still
have the framed picture a student gave me for Christmas in my study...I
came home and cried when I realized I couldn't write a thank you note...until
I found out his name.) How can we lower class size to avoid these conditions?
I am working in the "Small Schools" movement to try and change
these situations. What else can we do?
- Debbie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
In her posting, Elisa sought to encourage List members with a positive story.
Hello- I am new to this listserv. I am a graduate student from Ball
State University in Muncie, IN. I am getting my masters and licensing in
Secondary Education, Spanish emphasis. I just joined in on this topic of
depression, suicide in schools, and thought I would share this with you
all.
To all those who have had bad experiences with Middle School cooperation
and support in times of depression, suicide, death, etc. here is an uplifting
note to remind us that there are some schools that still care! My sister
attended a small elementary school, and her graduating sixth grade class
was very close. A week before she was to start middle school, where all
seven elementary schools combine, one of her classmates committed suicide.
Needless to say all the children in the class were devastated, and it really
affected their outlook on starting a new school that was quite a bit bigger
than what they were used to.
The middle school staff, teachers, and administrators worked together to
make sure my sister and her classmates were adjusting well into middle school.
They held separate lunchroom meetings with the students to talk about any
problems or concerns, thoughts, and feelings. All the teachers were aware
of the situation, and each one made an effort to help the students in any
way possible.
It was comforting to see that the teachers and administrators cared about
these students. Unfortunately it is not always like that, but each one of
us can try to do his/her best to create that kind of environment.
- Elisa
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Anne responded to Elisa's posting.
Welcome to the MiddleWeb Listserv, Elisa, and thanks so much for your
comments!
During the years I taught, I've had three students that committed suicide
(one took another student's life before he killed himself). The thing that
twists me up inside is that I really didn't see it coming when I had them
in 8th grade. I'd worked with one student very closely. He was from a poor
family and was unusually creative and intelligent. His innovative science
project made it all the way to the state level, and he seemed to have a
genuine joy for learning and sense of pride in his accomplishment -until
he reached high school. He killed himself and his girlfriend in his ninth
grade year.
The common thread among all the suicides was that the students had changed
their behaviors when they reached high school and started mixing with the
"wrong" crowd.
I know that in at least two cases, the parents were concerned and involved
in trying to help their children. Teachers did as well as they could, I
believe, given the 160+ students they taught each day. Their attempts to
maintain contact with these students did not prove as strong as the pull
of these teens' peers.
One part of the problem is that many schools are not set up to enable teachers
to meet the needs of their students -- even basic needs such as caring and
attention. Classes are too large, teachers are constantly engulfed by brushfires,
and no time is built into the school day for teachers and kids to simply
get to know one another. Some middle schools are working on changing that,
but many are not.
Anyway, I am glad you've joined us, and hope you'll pass on some of what
you're learning to us!
- Anne Jolly
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Melba welcomed Elisa to MiddleWeb listserv and thanked her for her comments.
Welcome Elisa! Thank you for your positive story about a school caring.
Your post reminded me of 2 years ago when my nephew died. His son's first
grade teacher not only attended the funeral; she also sat with the little
boy throughout the rosary (wake), sat next to him and his mom during the
funeral and visited him at his home for the rest of the week.
She brought him letters from his classmates and even worked with him on
his studies when he was able to concentrate. Yes, there are some educators
who do care for their students. I have seen many cases where the school
staff cares than I have where they don't in my 28 years as an educator.
- Melba
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Naomi expressed her gratitude for Trishs willingness to share her story
with MiddleWeb readers.
Trish,
Thank you for sharing that. Too often, educators discount the suffering
of young people. Thank goodness that you were able to work things out for
and with him.
- Naomi in NYC
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Linda Haskell wondered if the administrative secrecy surrounding troubled
students prevents teachers from missing opportunities to be of assistance
to the needy students and families.
As I read these posts I wonder how many times my team also has dropped
the ball. It wasn't done on purpose but out of ignorance. Many times a student
moves and the team is not told why. This year one student was home schooled.
No one would say why. I had to keep hunting until another teacher told me
the reason in confidence. There seems to be an administrative rule about
a need to know basis on "serious" matters. I wonder if the other
schools mentioned in this discussion also had some of this going on.
- Linda
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Trish extolled the value and rewards of "hall duty".
One simple thing I do that keeps me in touch with students is hall duty.
Morning hall duty when students first enter school for the day is the best
time to see if students are bringing any problems with them.
As I do hall duty I greet students with a "good morning men" or
"good morning ladies". 99 percent of the time I can tell if something
is not right with a student just from their answer to that greeting. Then
I follow that student I have a concern about and may say, "you don't
seem yourself this morning...are you feeling alright"? Just that simple
statement opens up an avenue for communication.
You will be surprised what you will find out IF the student feels you are
sincere. This is just one simple way we can connect with students. Many
times they just need that personal connection.
Today as I was leaving school the indoor track team was running and all
of a sudden I heard a boisterous "Hi Mrs. Brasslow" from a group
of "my morning men." The teacher I was leaving with said that
it seems all the kids know me. Do I do anything special? Not really, they
just know I am there for them and that makes all the difference.
Hallway duty ... an easy duty with so many rewards!
- Trish
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Debbie responded to Trish's posting.
Unfortunately, you ARE doing something special...lots of folks don't
speak to each other or to the students in the halls. I've noticed in many
schools that I have visited that kids seem surprised when I say hello etc.
If we are in too big a hurry to speak, how will kids know that we care?
- Debbie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ellen shared a difficult time from her own life and asked a number of pointed
questions regarding whether we miss opportunities to help students at risk
due because we are unable to get past the challenges they present in our
classes.
Wow. As I read all of these responses, I am struck by how many of us
have been touched by issues of depression or abuse. As we go along through
our lives, I think we often think we are the only ones who are experiencing
these things, that it is something shameful? to hide.
When I was in college, I was raped by an acquaintance. Though I had exceedingly
supportive friends (two of my male friends went looking for the guy with
a baseball bat that night), my own mother made me feel I was to blame. Just
the way she questioned me made me feel like it was my entire fault. I sank
into depression, withdrew from everyone, and avoided dealing with the issue.
Fortunately, I decided that withdrawing from life was akin to allowing this
idiot to win. I slowly rebuilt my confidence, and, I think, became a lot
stronger.
I say all this to ask, what kinds of messages are we sending to our young
women when these things aren't talked about? When the insinuation--deliberate
or not--is that they are somehow to blame? That they are damaged goods?
Even in our "modern" society, I see many of my young ladies demeaning
and subjugating themselves to the boys in their lives. We just discovered
a new club with our sixth graders where the girls (initiated by girls, mind
you) have to perform a sexual act with a boy in order to be initiated. How,
at this young age, do they think this is a good thing? I see them putting
themselves on a path of self-destruction.
We need to teach our young women to value themselves. I ache for these girls,
and, like Deb, was so drawn into the novel Speak.
Ask yourself, how many of your girls might be dealing with an issue like
this? Think of those kids who act out in so many over-the-top ways...while
we may often get caught up in the moment, with the inconvenience of their
actions, how often do we stop (heck, how often do we really have time to
stop) to find out what's going on behind the act?
We must, must, must be sure that EVERY child has someone in the school that
can bond with them and be an advocate for them. But how?
- Ellen
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Debbie responded to Ellen's question.
Do you have mentors or buddies at your school? We tried to set up a
program where every staff member, teaching and non-teaching, had a few kids
who they were personally connected to for contact etc. They weren't kids
you taught. It fell apart, but I always thought it should have been tweaked
and worked on until we got it right.
Thanks for sharing your personal story; it underscores our need to get in
touch with all of our kids.
- Debbie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Avis encourages the List member who were willing to share their personal
stories.
To all the survivors who have written in, and to those who haven't because
they are afraid... congratulations for surviving! For all of us who were/are
victims of abuse it takes courage and time to climb the ladder. It takes
a step a time, and for those who have reached the top rung it is like a
dam bursting with the pent up emotions.
Like others, I am a survivor of sexual assault (incest-rape) by a relative.
Wasn't an on going assault but even the impact of the first assault changed
my life in how I felt about myself.
I was told to keep quiet. So I did till I was around 30. Now I wonder every
year in each classroom... which one of my students has been/or will be assaulted
in their lifetime. I have talked to 2 of my students in past classes...but
what a small minority according to the stats. But at least it was 2.
Thanks for sharing your stories... little do we know if we have even helped
one person on the list!
- Avis
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Brenda affirmed the readers that have used their painful experiences
to help our vulnerable youth.
After reading Ellen's email tonight, once again I feel I have spent
time in sacred space. I felt the same after reading Deborah's, Trish's and
the other emails where women have lifted the veil by sharing their connection
with mental illness, a wound inflicted on them or on someone they love.
It could be discouraging, but you know, I don't feel discouraged because
it occurred to me that each one that wrote in is not just "barely standing."
They have become somehow empowered to become the gatekeepers of our youth.
These members of our List community are not just casually observers of wounded
kids, they have become their supporters, helpers and advocates. Listen to
their quotes:
- I will share your message with...
- It has given me a heart for hurting teens- I can spot them a mile away
and have had many opportunities to work with moms and dads that are on the
steep learning curve that goes with having an ill teen...
- I am going to print out your daughter's advice and circulate it to our
school nurse, guidance counselor, administration, and my team members.
- I am always on the alert for problems that seem to afflict our daughters/girls
more than the sons/boys...
- I think mental illness remains the last frontier of prejudice...
- With my own experience, I want so much to help this student of mine...
- How could I live with myself if she chose the path of the student at Holly's
school?
- I am still stunned by it all, and like Brenda, I am drawn to the kids
that need that care that so many teachers do not give because they think
the kid is weird or crazy.
- Some day, I will write a book about this...
- I am troubled by the school's message about the value of athletic prowess
over our daughters' safety and I am also disturbed by the message sent to
these young men...
- I am upset by this situation...
- As I continue to read about the sadness we inflict as part of school systems
I find myself wondering what we can do differently in our classrooms...
- If we really work at building community in our classes and on our teams,
I would think it would be harder to just lose track of kids when these problems/realities
arise...
- Are we in too big a hurry to connect with our kids as people? Is our class
load so large that the loss of a few kids is more a relief than a concern?
How do these realities dehumanize us and undercut our efforts to support
our kids?
- How can we lower class size to avoid these conditions?
- I am working in the "Small Schools" movement to try and change
these situations. What else can we do?
These words come from women who will stand in the gap for kids. I am inspired
and so grateful to be writing partners with the likes of you!
- Brenda
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Brenda added to her previous posting.
How could I have missed these? Please add Ellen's stirring quotes to
my list of gatekeeper quotes:
- I say all this to ask, what kids of messages are we sending to our young
women when these things aren't talked about? When the insinuation-deliberate
or not--is that they are somehow to blame? That they are damaged goods?
- We need to teach our young women to value themselves...
- I ache for these girls, and, like Deb, was so drawn into the novel _Speak_.
- Ask yourself, how many of your girls might be dealing with an issue like
this? Think of those kids who act out in so many over the top ways...while
we may often get caught up in the moment, with the inconvenience of their
actions, how often do we stop (heck, how often do we really have time to
stop) to find out what's going on behind the act?
- We must, must, must be sure that EVERY child has someone in the school
that can bond with them and be an advocate for them. But how?
And also add Avis's later comments:
- For all of us who were/are victims of abuse it takes courage and time
to climb the ladder.
- I have talked to two of my students in past classes...but what a small
minority according to the stats. But at least it was two.
- Brenda
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Laurie offered a story about a student she counseled by sharing some of
her own history.
Dear Middle Web List Friends,
I am sitting here this morning moved to tears with all the sadness you have
shared about such a very personal and difficult part of your lives.
I realized that these subjects affect all of us...not just our students.
I wonder sometimes if it's okay to share difficult parts of our lives with
our students. I have been using Amy's
lesson on responding to an Ann
Landers column on teen-agers, and was so amazed at the pain in my students'
lives.
One girl in particular, who has a horrible home life, used this assignment
to share with our entire class in language arts what her life is like. My
aide and I had tears streaming down our face as she described having a mother
who never told her she loved her, who is jealous of her track coach, who
she does love, who has thought of killing herself because of her sadness.
(I referred her to a wonderful school psychologist who sees her at lunch
because the director of special ed. has taken away all her counseling slots
so she can do testing and save the city $$!).
I shared with her 1:1, my growing up, and having abusive parents. I shared
some of my pain with her...I tried to let her know that I too, know how
difficult growing up in a non-loving house can be. Was it appropriate of
me to share something personal about myself? Maybe not, but I think sometimes
kids need to know from the adults in their lives, especially us, that we
have experienced great sadness on a very personal level that they can relate
too...
My heartfelt thanks to all of you, who have shared personal sadness with
us these past few days,
- Laurie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lilli agreed with Laurie.
I agree with you on this. If we appear to be perfect and have perfect
lives, young people will tend to shy away from opening up. I hope this girl
realizes what a wonderful teacher you are and most of all, that you are
a warm, kind, and loving person!
- Lilli
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ellen commented on the importance of using our difficult experiences as
a way of mentoring the young people who are going through challenging times.
Why not? I think, in the appropriate time and place; those kinds of
very personal things can be shared. Our young people think they are the
ONLY ones going through the pain and horror; don't they need models of people
who have been there and survived? Grown stronger? Learned?
I know that for so long in the teaching profession people have frowned on
teachers being anything but robot-like professionals who care only about
academics. I think kids need to see us as REAL people, with lives and experiences
beyond the classroom. Nine out of ten times when I really connect with a
student, it is about something that has nothing to do with school...food,
travel, reading, cats, and many other things. We have to put our personal
lives into our classrooms. If we appear superhuman or robot-like, why would
any child dare to approach us for help when they really need it?
- Ellen
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Laurie expressed her gratitude.
My thanks to all of you for letting me know it's okay to share some
of our personal and painful past experiences with our students....
- Laurie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Holly commented on the futility of addressing the academics when students
are living in such dysfunctional home situations.
I recently had a girl tell me that her sister was going to have a baby
-- then she told me that the baby is her nephew and her brother. I was so
shocked I did not know what to say! I just looked at her - then she asked
if I knew what that meant. I just said yeah. I needed a minute to get over
what she said -- also she said it loudly in front of the class.
When I spoke with guidance - they said that they already knew. How can I
expect her to learn anything when that kind of stuff is going on at home?
This girl has just been removed to temporary placement -- usually for depression,
drugs, etc.
- Holly
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ellen suggested a book for Holly to read.
Wow! You know, that reminds me of a very powerful book I read a few
years back that had a main character who is like the sister. The girl had
two children by her father and had been molested since the time she was
an infant. Her mother molested her as well. The story is about Precious'
quest for an education, how the public schools let her down, and how she
eventually learned how to read and write through a special teacher and program.
It is a very raw book, but it carried the same weight in my mind that _Speak_
did.... If you are interested in reading the book (and can deal with some
squeamish stuff...not gratuitous, simply what the character would *actually*
say and think), I highly recommend _Push_ by Sapphire. Definitely not for
kids, but for me, it unlocked the horror some of my students might be going
through.
- Ellen
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Holly added to her previous posting.
I hang photos of my dogs up -- the kids love to see what crazy antics
they are up to. When I miscarried this past November, I never told the kids
p; they did not even know I was pregnant. A few years ago my dog died,
I missed school that day. When I got back the kids could tell that I was
still upset. I even had a few come back later in the day to check on me.
We had connected in a way because they had lost loved pets in the past.
Sometimes they need to hear from you first to help them get through it
- Holly
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Leighann described the mixed feelings that go along with being a confidant
of a troubled teen.
My poor husband has heard time and again, stories about kids having
sex, being pressured, getting neglected, etc. I try not to bring it home,
but it is hard. I keep feeling like I am failing. Sometimes I just want
to tell them things straight, like a good parent would... like wait to be
intimate with a boy, or tell them to come talk to me and all, but sometimes
my very position as a teacher keeps them from thinking they should talk
to me.
Many of them have been treated unfairly in school and they naturally do
not like teachers. :(
Lately I feel I am losing the battle, as the kids slip farther and farther
away and make one bad decision after another.
- Leighann
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Deborah told readers about a girl's issue club that she ran at her school.
One of the best things that I ever did in school was run the girls issues
club. I was able to get help from the Julian Center and grants to buy the
books these kids needed. It allowed kids to write questions down and get
answers. It was a wonderful group of needy kids who got the direction and
guidance they so desperately needed.
- Deborah
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lori shared her own experiences of being a troubled teen with MiddleWeb
readers.
I was one of those teens who at 12 attempted suicide. I can truly relate
to the feelings of inadequacy and inability and lack of love and all those
other things I felt. I try very hard to make sure all my students have someone
to talk to even when they don't want someone necessarily.
I was also raped in high school as a senior the night after my senior prom.
I felt like it was my fault and went back to some very self-destructive
ways before I found myself again. I often am keenly aware of the things
students say that I hear myself saying no so very long ago and I call them
on the carpet for them.
If someone had talked to me I would have told them how I felt, but no one
asked and I thought no one cared until I was laying in an ICU bed with tubes
and needles everywhere and everyone was hanging around outside waiting to
see if I was going to survive the night. I know my parents blamed themselves,
my sister blamed herself and she is three years younger.
It was no one's fault and everyone's fault, but no one asked so I had no
idea anyone cared at all. I am so glad my best friend--a boy consequently--knew
where to find me that day.
Anyway, back to my original point-- I don't think there is a teacher out
there not aware of changes in their students when they know them really
well. The advisory time is key for me. I can talk to any one of my students
about a lot of things they might not otherwise tell anyone when I can share
with them time every day to have fun, talk, deal with issues and get to
know one another.
I only have 80 students this year and while only 17 are in my seminar, I
have had long lunch discussions with over half of them for one reason or
another. Many simply over a test score or a missing assignment that was
out of ordinary. My top student was mortified when I called her in. Now
she routinely stops in. And all it took was one day inviting her for lunch
in my room to discuss her most recent project which was exceptional.
- Lori
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Leighann described the overwhelming concern that goes along with working
with students that are at risk.
Okay Listers, I admit. Spring Break has started. I should be enjoying
myself. But here I am on my computer worrying about my kids. Do you guys
ever feel like you want to help the kids with their home lives, and decisions
they make?
I want to help but feel I can't... I mean, we as teachers can't fix everything.
Do you all ever feel that way? How do you deal with that? Lately it's really
heavy on my heart.
- Leighann
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Laurie shared Leighann's feelings.
I can definitely relate to your feelings of having a heavy heart regarding
your students' home lives.
I have one girl in 3 of my classes this year (the one I wrote about a few
days ago), who touches my heart every day. I have put her in the capable
hands of our school psychologist but due to a Special Ed. director who "doesn't
get it"; this girl is only available to talk to this psychologist when
she isn't testing a zillion kids to see if they qualify for special ed.
services.
I took this girl to see "The Nutcracker Suite" in Boston at Christmas
time with another student and her mother, because I know we have to be careful
about taking kids out alone. We had a wonderful time, but I feel frustrated
that we can't do more of this on a regular basis.
I just found out, quite by accident, that one of my student's parents are
getting a divorce. He is very close to his dad, and had been very quiet
lately...I feel so sad that there isn't more I can do for him.
I had been involved in a student-mentoring program in my last school. I
found this a wonderful way to help kids. They were originally identified
as possibly not being promoted, but most of them were also having other
problems like terminally ill siblings and very disabled parents. I started
with only 1 or 2, and soon it became 5. I couldn't say no to any of the
kids, but it was hard trying to give them all the academic and emotional
support and attention they so desperately needed...
I sometimes feel we as teachers have so many responsibilities towards these
very needy kids, and most of those responsibilities have nothing to do with
Math, LA, History, Science, Art, Music, Foreign Language, PE, etc.
Are there some very needy kids you can put your extra (?!) time into? I
find sometimes all they want is to eat lunch with us once in a while, or
stay after school and do their homework while we do our own work. I give
all my students my e-mail address and sometimes they use it for HW help,
and sometimes just to say "hi." I think for some of these kids,
just knowing that we care, and are there, can be a great comfort.
- Laurie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Deborah asked for further information concerning student-mentoring programs.
Laurie, I could swear this was me writing this except the play
was Miss Saigon and the city was Indianapolis... oh, and we do not have
student mentoring. But all of the rest, I do.
I would like to know more of the student-mentoring program. We have one
teacher who works with seventh graders only in an "at risk" program
after school once a week via a grant...and it seems to be a really neat
program, but it is limited to only a short while in the spring and it is
only seventh graders. Could you share the mentoring info please?
Thanks!
- Deborah
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Laurie provided more information on the mentoring program.
How ironic that our posts were together about taking kids to plays!
As far as the mentoring program, our previous principal had a group of us
visit a school in my hometown, which does an Advisor/Advisee Program (some
schools call it that, some call it a mentoring program). He also had any
of us who were interested go to the New England League of Middle Schools
(starts today in Providence, Rhode Island), and go to any workshops on mentoring/advisor/advisee.
He then gave us a list of kids who were on a list, which teams of teachers
had submitted to the kids' guidance counselors. These were mainly kids on
the "at risk" list for non-promote. We were given a three-ring
binder at a brief discussion meeting of what we wanted to do. There really
wasn't any money to take kids out, etc. but our principal said if we got
a receipt for lunch, he could reimburse us for one lunch...
My first meeting, I started with a questionnaire:
- What subjects are you having the most difficulty with?
- What is your biggest problem area in class: HW, studying tests, etc.
- When is your lunch?
- When is a good time to meet with me?
- What would you like to do together (lunch, movie, etc.)
This gave me a starting point. Each week I took notes (I used subject dividers
and kept track of their progress, etc. for each student (I had 5). Believe
it or not, the most frustrating part was lack of cooperation from some of
my colleagues, who "didn't have time" to Xerox their progress
reports, report cards, let me know briefly where they were seeing difficulty.
I actually had one colleague, say, "She owes 10 homework assignments
and there's nothing you can do to help her make them up!!!"
I helped kids with studying for tests, completing owed work (if they were
allowed to make it up), and sometimes walked down at lunch with another
colleague and her "mentees" to a local pizza place. We had a great
time!
Deb, it was the best experience I ever had in my career! ALL of the kids
I mentored were promoted and all the Gr. 8 kids graduated! I think what
meant the most was when a very tall young man I was mentoring whose mom
had been in a serious car accident came over to me, picked me up off the
floor, gave me a big bear hug, and said, "Ms. W. , I couldn't have
graduated without you!" We were both crying--it is a memory I still
treasure 4 years later.
I think this program needs to happen in all of our schools, and if there
is no money, maybe a local business can sponsor a sub/pizza lunch once in
awhile. I find most of the local smaller family-owned restaurants very supportive.
- Laurie
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Trish described how she handles the concern that she feels for students.
I haven't started spring break yet...not for 3 more weeks. However,
I was just ready to workout so any excuse to interrupt that routine!
There are many times I worry about students but I realize that I have to
draw the line somewhere or I will be worn out with worry. I do think about
students when I am home, like you, but I realize I can't help everyone.
I make guidelines I can live with which at times are hard, especially if
you are a person who wants to help 24 / 7. For your own health you have
to be realistic.
I found (being a visual person) I had to sit down and make a list of questions
about what I wanted to do to help students, what bothered me and what I
could do about it. Then I developed a realistic plan, one I could live with
that would not take time away from my family. Then decisions can be made.
The obvious decisions are easy...suspected abuse or drugs etc. You have
to decide how much time do you want to spend helping and what type of help
can you provide and still be somewhat sane.
It doesn't mean that your heart still won't break but what would happen
to your other students if you became sick were not at school for them. Caring
hurts sometimes. Control what you can.
Off to workout...hope this helps!
- Trish
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Trish explained how one teacher at her school tried to make a difference
in girls' lives.
Deborah: This doesn't really answer your question about mentoring, but one
of our teachers at school teaches out of a portable. She has a daily lunch
group where she eats with girls on her team who she has observed eating
alone in the cafe. She has invited these students to eat lunch with her
in her portable (I would have been willing to give up some library space)
and they talk about all sorts of things.
The teacher still gets to eat lunch and has made such a difference in their
lives. I see a difference in these students and their behavior. They have
much more self-confidence. She limited it to girls because she though they
would be able to open up more and talk about things they may be too embarrassed
to talk about in front of boys.
I only mention this because many times mentoring programs costs money and
you know how time-consuming grant writing can be.
- Trish
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ann, a beginning vice-principal, made some interesting observations about
the structures that define and constrict vision and roles.
I have been reading these e-mails with interest. As a rookie VP I keep
on circling back to the one modestly important insight I have had this year
which is that the structures of our schools both define and constrict our
vision of our roles and consequently our power to bring about innovation
or change. (Perhaps it might be the other way around but I don't want to
get too weird here.)
Many of us assume that as middle school teachers...heck, as teachers in
general, we are confined to teaching a subject area(s) during a specified
period of time. Consequently we get trapped in situations in which we deliver
what we are supposed to deliver and do not address the larger issue at hand.
We see a needy child and hear a story that defies Dickens and we "refer"
the child to special Ed because it is not in our role to support the child.
We have extended and powerful conversations on this LISTSERV about our own
deeply painful histories when "well-meaning people and schools failed
even our own children!" We worry about our students during our alleged
breaks because we worry that their needs will not be met. Are we in fact
worrying that our energies are going in the wrong places at the wrong time??
A case in point before I get too abstract....
For two years I had a young man in my class who was brilliant, learning
disabled and had a habit of alienating kids. He had a very rough life in
our K-8 school that had an ethic of accepting differences and being flexible.
I heard that his life at high school improved somewhat. His 8th grade was
the last class I taught in this system because I was recruited to do something
else. Consequently thoughts of his class make me very reflective since they
were my "last class."
His little sister was a pistol. High energy, Bright, cute, a sweetheart
and really "on the ball." As luck would have it, the little sister
attended the same camp as my daughter. They became fast friends. And like
true 10-12 year olds, very, very, very best friends. My daughter is now
16 and she still e-mails her old friend and sees her occasionally.
One hot afternoon during parents weekend his mom and I ran into one another.
After a few minutes of "small world....Aren't the girls great together
etc" she turned the talk to her son. I listened for over an hour as
the mom poured her heart out to me and told me about her son's travails.
I heard how he was "scapegoated" by kids, teased inadvertently
by teachers and generally ostracized during his nine years at this so-called
open classroom/child-oriented/progressive school. She talked about how the
principal, a dear friend of mine, reached out to her son but defended a
math teacher who did not allow her son to attend a pivotal math league event
because he owed her some homework. And, that the only person who understood
her son was his Special Ed teacher.
The Mom was talking about my old school, my friends, my former world for
many years and even perhaps me. She did not rail. She was very matter-of-fact.
She merely laid out a story of a school that in an effort to "do their
job" made life worse for her son.
I was struck by the fact that although I had known her for two years and
had been in touch with her often during those years, this was the first
time I had heard the depth of her son's experience. I learned a great deal
from our conversation because she had a lot to tell me. Given the nature
of the topic, oddly enough I did not become defensive or embarrassed. I
was able to listen to all she had to tell.
I left our campside log stunned by the nature of the interchange. The mother
could speak so plainly only when neither of us were stuck in roles. Given
that the camp had a particular value system and our daughters adored one
another we also shared some deeply held values that made such an intimate
conversation possible. However, beyond the rather bland aphorism that "all
insight is good" I was deeply saddened that what I had learned could
do nothing to make her son's life better when he was my student and that
somehow I never learned enough to help when I could.
Although I imagine that she tried, I had to wonder what prevented her from
speaking so eloquently at the time? What prevented an entire school from
listening and hearing what she did have to say? Was it the structure of
the school? It's communication systems? The assumptions that such structures
generate about parents, kids and how painful information is shared??? I
don't know....
But in reading the many e-mails that have been generated lately, I wonder
if all of us worry that the roles we assume and the structures we work under
prevent us from saying and doing what we really want to do???
Dunno.
- Ann (the rookie VP)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Naomi commented on student advisories.
Well, it seems we always go back to the recommendations of Turning Points,
the Carnegie Council report on Middle Level education. There were so many
research-based recommendations for improving schooling for young adolescents
(teaming, mini-schools, looping) and yes, advisory.
I have been reading all the posts of the caring educators who go out of
their way to support their students. This past week I have had several incidents.
The advisory is supposed to support these students.
In my old school, when it opened as a middle school, we had no deans. The
money for these positions was shifted so that each student was able to be
in a half-class advisory a few times a week. The advisor got to know the
students in a different way by implementing a community service project
for the year. There were also discussions on issue of concern. Through a
community school partnership, we received additional counseling services,
so there was somewhere to refer the kids, once advisors identified them
as needing services. It was the kind of supportive atmosphere all adolescents
need.
So many of our schools are called Middle Schools, but are really Junior
High Schools.
- Naomi
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chris agreed with Ann's train of thought.
Ann, I don't think you're getting weird at all. In fact you come
back to this point at the very end of your message.
"I wonder if all of us worry that the roles we assume and the structures
we work under prevent us from saying and doing what we really want to do???"
It's absolutely true that structures define and therefore constrict/limit
our vision/power to accomplish...what?...our visions! The reverse is also
true, after all, where does the structure come from? I think we create the
structures and the roles. That's the hard part. It seems to be a circle,
but perhaps we can make it a spiral, up or down....
- Chris