Thanks to the anonymous author, somewhere out there in cyberspace,
for this assessment humor! We've edited things a bit to insure authenticity.
Read each question thoroughly. Answer all questions. Time limit:
four hours. Begin immediately.
HISTORY: Describe the history of religion from its origins to the present
day, concentrate specifically but not exclusively, on its social, political,
economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and
Africa. Demonstrate your understanding by creating your own religion and
describing its likely impact on world affairs. Be brief, concise and specific.
LITERATURE: Compose an epic poem based on the events of your own life in
which you see and footnote allusions from T.S. Eliot, Keats, Chaucer, Dante,
Norse mythology and the Marx brothers. Critique your poem with a full discussion
of its metrics.
MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate it and perform it with flute
and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.
MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and
a bottle of Scotch. Remove your own appendix. Do not suture until your work
has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.
BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture
if this form of life had developed five hundred years earlier, with special
attention to the probable effects on the English Parliamentary system. Prove
your thesis.
PSYCHOLOGY: Employing principles from the major schools of psychoanalytic
thought, successfully subject yourself to analysis. Make appropriate personality
changes, bill yourself and fill out all medical insurance forms. Now do
the same to the person seated to your immediate left.
ECONOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Run
for Congress. Build a political power base. Successfully pass your plan
and implement it.
PUBLIC SPEAKING: 2,500 riot-crazed students are storming the classroom.
Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
PHYSICS: Explain the general theory of relativity. Keep it simple. Now demonstrate
the limits of faster-than-light travel through an experiment of your own
design.
AGRICULTURAL SCIENCE: Outline the steps involved in breeding your own super
high yield, all weather hybrid strain of wheat. Describe its chemical and
physical properties and estimate its impact on world food supplies. Construct
a model for dealing with world-wide surpluses. Write your Nobel Prize acceptance
speech.
MATHEMATICS: Give today's date, in metric.
CHEMISTRY. Transform lead into gold. You will find a beaker and three lead
sinkers
under your seat. Show all work including Feynman diagrams and quantum functions
for all steps. You have fifteen minutes.
POLITICAL SCIENCE: There is a red telephone on the desk behind you. Start
World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.
** EXTRA CREDIT **
Define the Universe. Give two examples.