Entry #15: Teacher-parent conferences -
meaningful discussions or time for revenge?
Report card conferences were held this week. In our district this means
three half-days for students. When we have half-days, our periods are only
30 minutes long and we stop after the 6th period.
The kids seem to think the half-days mean free time. Teachers all seem to
agree that these three half-days are more exhausting than a week of full
days.
On the surface, it's easy to see that we're tired because the short periods
make the week feel more like babysitting than teaching. It's also frustrating
when families don't keep their appointments, arriving early, late, or not
at all.
In my new position as a prep teacher, hardly anyone wanted to see me. I
did stop a few folks to talk and I helped people find the "real"
teachers they were looking for -- the advisors, the keepers of the report
cards.
At first I was just feeling kind of left out, but then I started wondering
about the whole set up. I really started thinking about the conferences
and what I'd like to get out of them, and I realized that I've never even
had that discussion with any of my colleagues, students or parents.
Sure, we've commiserated about the no-shows. We've vented about the time
wasted in dragging the process out for three days. We've even sketched out
our proposal for a one-day conference plan, one day without classes which
lasts from early morning to late afternoon.
But our goals for the conferences have never really been discussed. Is it
a time for meaningful discussions, or is it a time for revenge? A chance
to tell parents just what their kids have been doing or not doing in our
classes, or a time to assess progress and refine our plans?
I know conferences are supposed to be a time for families and teachers to
really connect and discuss students, but it's hard to connect in a crowded
room in just 15 minutes. And when people don't stick to the schedule or
you try to talk with the parents of a student you teach, but who isn't in
your homeroom...there goes the master schedule.
It's not just the time or the numbers either. There are often language and
cultural hurdles in the way too. When parents and teachers can't even understand
each other, when kids have to translate, the imbalance is sometimes painfully
awkward.
Conferences are also affected by the experiences which family members had
when they were in school. If the parents were unhappy at school or had a
bad time while they were there, they carry those memories and feelings into
the conferences as parents or guardians.
There are dynamics and undercurrents in motion that we never stop to address
or think about. Unless, of course, you count the information new teachers
receive in induction meetings.
As a new hire you are told to cushion the blow of any negative comments
with a "_______is a nice boy/girl" or " your child has real
leadership potential, but is misusing it," etc. These pat phrases amount
to far too little in the way of counterbalance if, in reality, the kid is
failing and has a history of learning or behavior problems.
As I wrote that last phrase, "history of learning or behavior problems,"
I recognized another obstacle that we face during conferences. When we have
problems with a student, we usually look to our peers for advice or affirmation.
We want to know if it's our fault -- if other teachers had problems with
the child, if the family will be helpful. It makes sense that we look to
each other for guidance, but if the first teacher gives a negative report,
right or wrong, it snowballs, picking up a negative momentum. Parents know
we talk among ourselves, and this knowledge adds to the emotional charge
of the conferences.
Wow. . .the whole set up works against communication. First, we hold the
report cards hostage. You don't get the card unless you come in to pick
it up. I wonder how this started? I remember being given my report card
to bring home. My parents knew it was coming, but then again, it never would
have occurred to me to withhold it.
It's clear that our System believes that if we sent the cards home, they
either wouldn't get there or the families wouldn't come in for a discussion.
So, presto... we have the assembly-line conference model.
Next you have the report card itself. The card, which is actually a page
from a multipage document now, has three grades for each subject. There's
an achievement grade, a grade for effort and a behavior rating.
Most kids have at least 8 graded subjects. So parents get the report and
are asked to look it over, all 24 grades, sign it and ask any questions
they might have of the advisor and any of the other teachers in their scheduled
15 minutes.
I'm getting really upset as I'm writing this. I've never felt comfortable
at the conferences, but I've never challenged the whole set-up either. I've
settled for serving cookies and trying to be "nice" instead of
trying to change the process.
Having said all that, let's just say that meaningful conversations were
few and far between. The whole process is a kind of numbers' game. If 85%
of your parents show up, you're seen as successful.
At my school, we all sit together in one room so that we can "catch"
the parents of those students we really need to see, even if we're not the
advisor/holder of the report card. The parents that everyone "needs"
to see feel ambushed and look rather wrung out by the time they've spoken
to the second or third teacher.
The whole process is very punitive and bureaucratic in nature. Parents sometimes
threaten and scold their kids, often talking about withholding Christmas
gifts and/or removing Nintendo, stereos etc. from their children's rooms,
but there's very little discussion about what supports the children need.
It's almost as if we all really believe that the only thing wrong with our
schools is the "kids and their laziness" or the lack of support
we get from parents. While I'd like to see our kids doing their best at
all times, I don't really think the solution to our current educational
crises is simply one of students trying harder or parents being stricter.
Don't get me wrong. I get frustrated when kids slack off, and I do think
many parents have fallen into the trap of providing things, instead of guidance,
for their kids. But, why do kids slack off and why do parents have such
a hard time being effective parents of adolescents?
It's not as though all the teachers don't have the same problems within
their own families. I know we had struggles over homework and grades with
our boys. Funny thing though, when teachers' kids have problems in school,
we/they usually blame their kid's schools and teachers, but when our students
have problems, we look to the kids or their parents for the source of the
trouble.
Of course, it's not really funny or surprising at all. It's just one more
example of the way we apply different standards for different folks. Our
schools are a reflection of our society as a whole and we are playing out
the inequities which are woven into the system. My frustrations with all
these different pieces of the puzzle keep taking me back to the need to
overhaul the whole system.
The testing; the large, impersonal class size; the report cards and conferences
which keep us more and more divided as parents and teachers -- they're are
all perfectly logical if you're interested in sorting students and allowing
precious few to really succeed.
If, however, you're interested in the development of quality education for
all students regardless of race, class, gender or culture, if you're interested
in democracy and equitable funding for all...it hasn't happened yet.
I've got a lot to think about as we end this calendar year. I'm not usually
big on resolutions, and I won't get sucked into the whole millennia hype,
but I do feel we are at a crossroads in public education at this point in
time.
I know charters or vouchers are not the answer, but factory models which
adopt the "Team" method are still just nicer factory models. I've
worked in factories and some are nicer, cleaner, and more productive than
others. But a factory is still a factory; it's an organization for mass
production. Our children are not mass-produced and should not be expected
to flower under these conditions.
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