Entry #22: "It's always nice to rediscover
that this reflection business really works!"

As the email discussion about the transition of NSRF from Annenberg to the Harmony Center begins in earnest, I wonder about balance and focus. As I returned from a one-day whirlwind trip to Chicago, midweek, I worried about cheating my kids because I was simply too tired to muster the energy that a 300+ teaching load required.

Teaching well-planned lessons without my involvement in the reform struggle is a contradiction in terms and reality. Throwing myself headlong into local and national reform work is important and energizing, but exhausting too. HELP!

I need more time for reflective pause. I want to read and write more. Yet, if I don't keep my kids at the center, if I shortchange my teaching, it all becomes somewhat hollow.

This three-day weekend should help me to regain my footing, at least that's what I'm telling myself. I must admit, I'm feeling a bit like the Michael Keaton character in Multiplicity. I want to do it all, and I want to do it all well. Are teacher clones the only answer?

Today I was over my travel lag, and it was an unusual day. There were two major trips in my community so my classes were either reduced or nonexistent. Consequently, I got to really connect with the kids who stayed behind.

Having smaller groups afforded me the luxury of really connecting with my students as opposed to rushing everyone so I could address the next person's question or concern.

I'm also looking forward to our annual President's Day trip to the Phantom's hockey game on Monday. At the game I'll get to spend time with kids away from all the pressures of the classroom, curriculum, etc. It should be fun.

I just realized that what I'm missing is just that -- the close connection with my kids. There just isn't as much connection or fun in my classes this year. By fun, I don't mean wasted time, I mean human to human interchange as opposed to classes that might as well be taught by an automaton.

Even though I have clubs every morning and one afternoon a week, I'm rarely in a room with less that 30 kids at a time. It's just plain wearing to have that many people trying to get your attention and help five times a day.

My guilt quotient has been on overload. I get upset with myself when I can't get to as many kids as I think I should in a given period. After a while, especially when I'm tired, I get annoyed with the kids for being so impatient...DUH! They're kids, they should be reasonable, but they shouldn't have to wait the whole period for help with their work...grr.

As usual, writing my diary is pointing to the way out. I need to resurrect my tutoring program. The kids and I haven't really been meeting since the winter break. We were going strong in the beginning of the year and I'm not sure how the breakdown occurred, but we need to start back up again. I'm also going to request an aide, either student or adult, during as many classes as possible, especially in Special Ed.

Expectations for my Special Education classes

Today, I had a conversation, where a colleague suggested that I lower my expectations in my Special Ed. classes. In all fairness, I invited this feedback by venting about how much help they need and wondering aloud about whether I was expecting too much.

Should I lower the demands or mobilize more support? Earlier today I was ready to look for some easy educational games, but now that I look at it in black and white, I know that's not what they need or deserve. On the other hand, feeling guilty accomplishes nothing except maybe making me feel too tired to accomplish much. Time to shift into a proactive mode and take stock of my program.

In terms of my Special ed. classes, I've made some mistakes in my management. I've expected the kids to hold on to their papers from one class or week to the next. Most have lost the papers and spend most of their class time asking me how to spell words I had already corrected on their planning sheets.

The kids still lose their work regularly because they need regular reinforcement of their basic skills in all of my younger classes and in Spec. Ed., i.e.-- saving to their disk, etc. ( I know some of them really believe that "someone" is erasing their work after they leave. What's even worse is that some of them seem to think that I'm the villain!)

Having assistants and keeping their work on file in the room, not just on disk, will help with these problems.

I also need to work out a rotation on the computers. Some of my PC's are wired and some are not. I need a fair way to rotate my groups so that everyone gets internet time each week. We're still wasting too much time getting settled and started each period.

Teaming with other teachers

Teaming with other teachers is still a thorny issue, too. Our grades are due in about a week so everyone has assigned projects at the same time. Since I'm supposed to support the project work of other teachers, it's made my life pretty chaotic.

For example, kids have to do both a biographical report and a report of an African-American inventor this month. The same kids, different projects from different teachers, similar deadlines, no coordination. I understand the teachers' desire to connect with Black History Month. I also understand their desire to give the kids as many opportunities as possible to make good grades before the marks close.

However as a somewhat outside observer, I can also understand the fragmentaion and frustration which the kids are feeling.

I think I'll approach my colleagues about coming up with a single project which is multifaceted for Women's History month. If we can agree to coordinate and give more than one grade for the project, it should help the kids to focus and do some meaningful work. It certainly would make my life easier.

Maybe we need to start with a simple discussion of why we give the assignments we give. Is it enough to just issue assignments so your gradebook reflects all the different opportunities the kids had to do something? Are projects simply a way to fulfill the District's homework policy?

Obviously no one would give the wrong answer to those questions, but how much thought do we really put into our assignment design? What learning goals do we actually set? How do we assess all these projects? How often do we develop and use rubrics? Are kids involved in setting up the rubrics?

I feel better already and not because I have the best answer to all those questions vis-a-vis my own assignments. It just feels good to be refocusing on the "stuff" which makes the trips to Chicago and LA in recent weeks worthwhile -- the "stuff" that impacts on my instructional practice.

In addition to talking to my colleagues about coordinating assignments, I'm going to talk to the kids too. I need to discuss these problems and rubrics with them as well.

Having these conversations should get us back on track as a learning community. Bad weather, winter doldrums, whatever, has taken its toll. It's time to regroup collectively and even though it's getting to be late on Friday night, I already feel more energized than I have for the past two weeks.

I'm glad I wrote tonight. I almost put it off until tomorrow afternoon. I'm doing a workshop about reflection and peer coaching tomorrow morning and I was so tired when I came home, I was worried that my workshop was going to be presented by me in cruise-control mode. Now, I feel up for it and ready to plan for next week. It's always nice to rediscover that this reflection business really works!

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