Entry #8: "I had left out the
most important people, my kids."


What was it about having a new position and a new, somewhat alarming, student load that led me to abandon the lessons I've learned about making teaching public?

For the last few years, I've told anyone who would listen that having the conversations about teaching and learning with all stakeholders -- teachers, students, families and administrators -- was the key to progress in our classrooms and schools.

Yet this year, for the first six weeks of school, I pretty much went my own way. When my teaching comfort level was shaken, I shut down. I reverted to the traditional model of going it alone.

In part, I was trying to remain upbeat and not be part of the tide of predictions that this year was going to be a very rough one because of all the staff changes in our District. But I also think that another part of me just went into retreat.

I was pretty miserable. I felt like a fraud. I even began to dislike my students, looking for some deep, mysterious reason in them that was making my efforts ineffective. When I found myself adopting a negative attitude toward my kids, I felt even worse. After all, they were the reason I started teaching in the first place.

Last week, I started really talking, not just complaining, to some trusted colleagues, and began to make some progress. This week was a mixed bag. One good class, one not so good. And then it hit me, like a flash. I hadn't been talking with my kids...duh!

On Tuesday afternoon at our school Council meeting we discussed the importance of consistently breathing life into our principal's 3R's policy. The 3R's are: Rights, Respect and Responsibility.

It's a policy that my new principal introduced in September. There are posters about it in all the halls and flyers in every classroom. Each student even received a copy to post on their refrigerator at home. However, we were concerned that parents weren't being actively engaged in conversations about our approach and that the posters were becoming like wallpaper -- present, but forgotten.

As I participated in the Council discussion, I began to get that uneasy feeling that something was missing. I didn't have to think about it for very long. The missing piece was my own classroom follow-through. Here I was talking about the importance of keeping communications open and the message alive, and I wasn't doing it!

Since I was now a prep teacher, I had basically abdicated my responsibility to talk to the students about the policy. I had been safeguarding my limited classroom time for the "real" work. I left the overall setting of the tone to the advisors and teachers who see the kids every day in class.

I became an enforcer as opposed to a team builder. And then I was surprised, even hurt, when the kids responded by giving me a hard time.

On Wednesday morning I got up and drafted a one pager for the students to fill out in my classes. I asked them what respect and responsibility should look like and sound like in our TAPS classes. I asked them what they should be doing and more importantly, I asked them what I should be doing.

I told them that their project deadlines would be extended and that we were taking a much-needed step back to examine our tech classes and improve them.

At first they were reluctant to say much about my role, but then one brave soul in each class would get the ball rolling. Once the students began to see that I seriously wanted to change "our" and not just "their" classroom dynamics, they brought up some interesting suggestions. Actually, once the first kid got away with criticizing me, they all sat up and paid attention.

Nobody was rude or disrespectful. I didn't agree with all requests or comments, but in essence they were right. I needed to loosen up, deal with the offenders and be patient while the rest of the kids learned the new skills I was teaching.

I shared with them too. I spoke about my concern that they really gain skills from my class and that it not be a wasted or free period. I explained my reasons for changing from science to tech this year.

I told them that part of the reason I had taken the new project support position was because I don't mind the mess and hum of a large group working together. We discussed a classroom where lots of groups can be talking and the teacher is not always directing and certainly isn't policing the students.

They all agreed that I shouldn't lose my temper, no surprise there. They also felt that they should work on following directions and on monitoring their noise level.

We decided to alternate groups on the computers from one day to the next instead of splitting the class time in half. Trying to split the time was adding lots of movement and confusion. The first group never felt like they got anything done and the second group felt short changed. I felt hassled, constantly adjusting and monitoring turns on the computer with my kitchen timer. Stress became the rule rather than the exception.

We also discussed the fact that those who did not cooperate should lose computer time. We agreed to pilot a Preferred Activity Time (PAT) policy. With PAT, each class begins with 15 minutes in the bank. If they don't settle in to work in a timely fashion, I start the timer and deduct minutes from their bank.

Some classes opted to use their minutes for an educational game at the end of class, but most decided to bank their time until we could organize one whole period of educational games. (I got the idea for PAT time from teachers who were discussing motivational techniques on the Middle_L listserv.)

One of my previously rowdy sections has already earned 25 minutes or half a period. Students are already beginning to monitor their own behavior and I'm not acting or feeling like a cop. In another class, a sixth grade and my most difficult of the week, during the last period on Friday the kids earned 8 minutes, but I learned a much bigger lesson. These kids want to get to know me and they want me to know them.

I started the class by asking the kids to journal. They had some difficulty settling in and lost about 2-3 minutes of their PAT time. After a few more minutes we started discussing their responses. Again, they had a very hard time staying on the point, listening to their friends' comments without calling out, or just plain waiting their turn. About 5 more minutes were lost in this part of the class.

Finally though, they were animated, but focused. We had a good conversation about whether a bear who has been relocated five times in the last two months should be put down if he returns to the suburbs again. Just as things were going well, I realized it was ten minutes before dismissal and we hadn't gotten to the computers. I apologized and the kids said, "Don't worry about it, this is fun!"

Nobody sulked. Nobody even seemed disappointed. We continued our discussion until the end of the period and then wished each other well for the weekend. A simple activity, a topic in keeping with our focus on animal rights and our responsibility, and yet it was so much more.

We started to become a class today. It wasn't me and them, it was us. We didn't work on a tech skill, but I know we will next week and I think it will be a lot more productive. The buy-in that was missing, that I somehow expected to automatically find, had to be earned and will have to be earned again and again.

I assumed these kids would accept that I was pushing them because I cared. I expected them to realize that my stress at having a new position was not directed at them, but at my own ability to meet their needs. It all feels pretty weird now, hindsight being 20-20 and all.

It's good to be really back. I thought I was back last week, but I had left out the most important people, my kids.

I really love teaching and I enjoy adolescents with all their energy and enthusiasm. Working with kids, thinking about the ways we teach and learn are my center. It was really upsetting to feel like I was losing touch with the major source of "flow" in my life.

My Critical Friends Group meets on Monday and our agenda is already set, but I think I'll forward this entry to my critical friends. I'd like them to know what I've just re-learned and it may provoke some ongoing feedback, which as I've been saying, always helps.


Read next week's entry >>>

<<< Read last week's entry

Comment on this week's entry


Back to Deborah's 1999-2000 Diary Index