Entry #13: "Children grow best in a
matrix of connected relationships."

Columbus, Georgia -- Each week as I begin to formulate my thoughts for writing this diary, it seems that the experiences we encounter, the things I read and the people we meet often blend into a common theme. Whether by divine providence or happenstance, I am grateful. (Personally, I think it more of the former than later.)

Otherwise, my head would contain a myriad of confusing information that I would not be able to act upon. Of course, this still happens to some degree on a daily basis, but by week's end my list of "to do's" and "to find outs"is revised and I am able to reflect on what is important.

With the shorter academic month of December, our boys were not able to enroll in the local middle schools. I will still be visiting several, including the alternative middle school, before the break. But this week, the theme seems to be relationships between the generations.

Often, in my duties back home as cafeteria supervisor, I would watch our student body interact with each other (as they did all day long) in immature, irresponsible ways. Youth do not function best if they are only around their own kind, all day, every day. If you've worked with kids you have realized this as well.

I just finished the book The Shelter of Each Other by Mary Pipher (remember Reviving Ophelia?) Over and over Pipher talks about the need for our youth to have connections with parents, grandparents and other adults of significance. One statement really hit me: "Children grow best in a matrix of connected relationships." This is exactly what the "Asset Builders of Columbus" would like to improve. As is the case nationwide, parents spend an average of 40% less time with their kids than parents did in the1950's. This fact, coupled with social mobility -- grandparents becoming "snow birds" and families moving all over the country -- has led to much disconnection and age segregation.

Why should schools be concerned with this? Because we are missing out on a very key ingredient for youth development, and a incredible resource. This week my 12- and 14-year old boys have been ambushed by the older generation. When we arrived in Columbus, our hosts, the Kerrs, turned out to be 71-year-old seniors who have really connected with our kids. Allen found out the boys like golf and treated them to eighteen holes on Wednesday. Char invited them to make Christmas cookies at her house next week. We attended a Scottish Holiday concert with them last Saturday and as I looked over, there were the boys surrounding Allen.

Then there is Ed and Retta Black, full time RVers who are former teachers.

From the first day we arrived, they have tried to help us with places to go and RV "how-to" tips. They have taken a special interest in our boys. Ed invited them to lunch on Thursday, then asked to help Tyler with math. Lately, that has been a very frustrating subject for us and not one of my strengths.

So, here it is Saturday afternoon and my youngest son Tyler is sitting down with Ed, learning shortcuts for division, decimals, a new way to work with metrics, and previewing the next chapter in the book. (See a photo of Tyler and Ed.)

Ed also repaired Tyler's necklace, told him stories of his teaching days in the prisons of New York, and weaved in some Civil War history, leaving my son to exclaim, "he knows everything!"

Both our boys have taken to the time these seniors have given, in part because they feel respected and valued, but also because these elders seem to enjoy being around them. It occurs to me how much each generation needs the others, but how difficult it can be to get them together. Demographers tell us that the fastest growing sector of our population is over 60. Could this be part of our role as educators? Even with all the effort required to do this, bringing the generations together can be very rewarding -- as I witnessed this week.

At the Muscogee Rotary Club breakfast last Thursday, I was impressed when I learned of the Project Outreach Literacy Program. The members of the club are assigned two names of 4th or 5th graders at a local elementary school that's lacking in resources and academic success. The students will receive personalized cards and letters several times before school ends. The hope of the school and club leaders is to nurture an ongoing relationship that will grow and develop.

This week it was easy to pick out the important lessons. They are the same ideas that educators have been learning for generations. Connect, connect, connect.

May you all have a chance to connect with some people from another generation in the coming weeks.

Darrell

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Ed Black helps Tyler Lee with his math homework. (Photo by Corrine Lee)