Entry # 26:
Maybe we're just adding to the noise
I am tired.
I put off writing this entry until late this Sunday evening, ostensibly
because I did not know what to write about. Writer's block is a rare experience
for me, and I can honestly say that I never have any trouble writing these
entries. In fact, I look forward to the time I spend reflecting each week.
It feels like a guilty pleasure, a vacation from everything left undone
around me.
Still, all this afternoon and evening, I sat at the computer several times
waiting for inspiration while the cursor just winked on and off at me. It
has been frustrating.
This week has been jam-packed with activity both in my classroom and at
home. One of my husband's friends has been staying with us this week while
she attended a TEFOL conference. We rarely get the opportunity to see her
because she is usually gallivanting around the globe or teaching English
in some foreign land (most recently, Taiwan and Mexico). Her life is an
absolute adventure, and I enjoy her company tremendously.
Each night this week has included conversation at the dinner table or in
the living room watching TV, and we have been out to eat several times with
other friends of hers during her stay. This afternoon we went to my parents'
house to celebrate my brother's 29th birthday. Suffice it to say that between
work and our evenings, we have been extremely busy.
Frustration can be a journal topic, too
Tonight as my husband and I drove home from my parents' house, I was telling
him about my frustrations with this entry. I told him that usually I had
no problem, that sometime during the week an idea would begin to take shape
in my mind, and that by the time I actually sat down to write, the words
would fly in almost perfectly organized fashion onto the page.
"I haven't had any quiet time this week to just think," I told
him. "I don't even know which end is up." "Maybe your frustration
is your journal," he suggested. "Has your change in routine
and lack of personal time had an effect on your ability to write your entry?"
My husband knows me well, so he already knew the answer.
Within the context of Gardener's multiple intelligences, my strongest area
is intrapersonal. I enjoy spending time by myself, reading, working and
reflecting on my life and new ideas. I have a very strong sense of who I
am and why I do what I do, and I tend to get cranky and impatient if I do
not get enough personal time. I laughingly call myself "antisocial,"
and while that descriptor is not exactly correct, some aspect of it rings
true. For me, a little socializing goes a long way. I need my "me time"
to function effectively.
This week there has been little "me time". I have enjoyed the
diversions, but they have distracted me and taken me from my routine. And
so, because my routine has been disrupted, I am having a difficult time
completing my usual tasks.
We choose our distractions -- kids often don't
I began thinking of the implications of the disruptions and diversions in
our lives and the lives of our students on the way home. As a teacher, I
fondly dream of an uninterrupted time where I can just sit and think
without the distractions of work, the telephone, or family obligations.
It could happen, but somehow it never does because I willingly submit
to a million mindless, unimportant, or more splashy detours.
I make the choice to follow other paths even as I complain of a lack of
time for deep, conscious reflection. Fortunately, during those quiet moments
of "me time" during the week, I do have time to think about my
classroom, the strategies I want to try, new research, and my students.
This week I did not, and I am feeling it sorely now. However, I know that
next week life at the Berg house will return to normal, and so will I.
Some of my students aren't so fortunate. Their lives are filled with distractions
they have no control over. I think of the girl in my class last year who
fell asleep each day because her mother had people over late every evening
to play cards. I think of my homeroom student who told me she couldn't do
my homework one evening because they had to run errands and go out to eat.
I think of the countless students who tell tales of shots fired in their
neighborhoods at night, and I wonder if they ever have the time to be quiet
and alone with their thoughts.
I know there are a thousand other possibilities and experiences my students
have at home, many of them unpleasant, unnecessary, and uncontrollable.
I imagine the fights, arguments, violence, and other horrible circumstances
some of them must live with, not just for a day, but for a lifetime.
If my life can be disrupted so completely with a few small distractions,
imagine what constant noise, activity and chaos can do to our students'
lives. As teachers we often chalk their inattention up to disinterest or
disrespect, but perhaps it is not that at all and we are only adding to
the noise with our reprimands and speeches about their futures.
This is not groundbreaking, but it is often forgotten. We need to take a
closer look at each student to discover what the problem is and remember
that they have whole lives outside of our classrooms that contribute to
or take away from what we are trying to do as teachers.
So, tomorrow when all things return to normal, I hope I can find a way to
remember. When Courtney puts her head down to go to sleep, instead of simply
tapping on her to wake her up, maybe I should find the time to find out
why she does this every morning. At least it's a start.
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