Entry # 38:
Crips and Bloods
This past week of school has been exceedingly rough on me. I am discouraged,
depressed, and stressed to the limit. As I sit here Sunday evening, I wonder
just how I am going to make myself go back to school Tuesday morning.
The end of the school year is always high-maintenance. There are projects
to finish up, grades and records to complete, and materials to box up and
store for the summer. Students are abuzz with the anticipation of summer
vacation and the freedom it brings, and behaviors begin intensifying as
the school structure loosens up.
It is everything I remember experiencing as a student, and I usually enjoy
it as much as I did as a child. This week there is no joy in the ritual,
only...I am not sure exactly what. Disappointment? That is not exactly right,
but it is as close as I can get.
This week taught me a lot about just what we as teachers are up against.
Yes, we have unmotivated students, challenging behaviors to deal with, students
who are having a difficult time grasping the concepts we teach, but more
challenging than any of those things is the fact that some of our students
come from homes where they are taught indirectly to have low expectations
for themselves. I have students where getting even, settling disagreements
with violence and participating in gang activity is not only condoned, it
is encouraged. And I am sitting here wondering just how these children ever
had a chance.
Crips and Bloods
I usually hold the belief that my colleagues and I have the power to make
a difference in our students' lives. I still believe that, but I wonder
if the impact of one year is enough to even put a dent in the influence
of years of negativity from the home or the street. What caused these ruminations?
Some of our kids brought the street and their conflicts into the school
this week, and many of the adults in their lives do not seem to have a problem
with it.
There are two opposing groups of Crips in the school's neighborhood who
hate each other more than they do the Bloods. Until now, gang activity was
limited to a few quietly uttered slurs on occasion, but the comments of
one young man in the eighth grade set off a huge conflict. This young man
was talking about how one of the eighth grade girls from the opposing gang
had granted him sexual favors and had enjoyed it when he smacked her around.
The fact that an adolescent would brag about his sexual prowess does not
shock me, but the reactions of their peers does.
Thursday morning, one of my sixth grade students was arrested because he
jumped out of the car to help his sister after the person she jumped on
started to seriously thrash her. He will not be back to school until next
year although he has never been in any kind of trouble before in his life.
I wonder how this experience will affect his path.
Later Thursday morning, the mother of the eighth grade girl showed up at
school to help her daughter jump on the boy who was talking about her. She
was arrested and walked proudly out of the building with her hands handcuffed
behind her.
Friday morning a girl sets off the metal detector as she enters school.
After a search with the hand-held wand, they find a knife in the down of
her coat. She is suspended.
Friday morning as I am walking my students from the main building to the
branch building for advisory, five young men sit across the street and yell
obscenities at my students. I find out later they were waiting to jump on
Terry, the little sister of the eighth grade boy, but since I was there,
they decided to wait until later.
Friday, second block, Terry is talking with her sixth grade cousin in Family
and Consumer Science about how they could go to another person's house and
get some guns. Her cousin says, "If we can get to a phone, we can call
for backup." This and more are reported to the principal, but neither
girl is suspended.
Friday, third block, the seventh grade teacher's assistant tells me Terry
and her cousin have been threatening to fight several seventh grade students
after school. All the girls write their statements, and we find that the
seventh grade girls were actually the ones who perpetuated it. Still, no
one is suspended.
Friday, end of day, the police are summoned to be present during home time
in case anything was to happen. Despite the threats and build up over days,
everyone leaves without incident. But It is more than I can take.
Violence is a family norm
All of the parties involved come from families where gang violence is the
norm. Parents fight on behalf of their children and threats are made. I
thought I had made an impact on Terry this year, but her recent actions
make me wonder. She once told me I was her best teacher ever and confided
she wanted to be a teacher too. Her behavior in school and her grades improved
tremendously, and I thought she would be able to put her roots behind her.
I see now how naive I still am.
Our roots have a strong hold on each of us, and it takes us years to break
away from the events and influences of our past. I still do and believe
things because that's the way my parents or family has always done them.
I have never changed anything until I actively examined it to decide for
myself if I wanted to continue the habit or behavior. Why should I think
it would be any different for my kids in my classes?
Parents are the strongest influences in a child's life, and so our children
who come from less than desirable homes have more against them than any
child who comes from better circumstances, regardless of race or socioeconomic
status. It takes more than one year to change the habits of mind of our
students, but how can we ensure that these children get those top-notch
teachers from year to year?
I attended school at a Blue Ribbon elementary and high school, but even
I did not have good teachers every year. If that is so for a middle class
suburb where teachers want to be employed, how are we to ensure fabulous
teachers for urban or rural areas where few want to teach?
One size won't fit all
I have been angry with our president for proposing a one-size-fits-all solution
for low achievement scores. Sure, he is giving more money to poor performing
districts, hoping that will improve the situation. I am sure he sees the
influence money has in his own life, so he can't see how throwing more money
at our situation will not change anything. He does not see how much more
influential our families and life experiences are in our lives. I feel a
little more tolerant towards President Bush now because he, like me, is
just terribly ignorant and naive about the real lives of these students.
I am going to grit my teeth and push myself through these last eight days
at Turner. I am going to spend my time talking to Terry, trying to say or
do something that will get her to think long-term, hoping to make an impact
on her life like I did not make on her brother. I do not know if there is
really a solution to this problem, but I will not stop trying to find it.
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