Entry #25 - March 8, 1999
"When I tried to pose the question about whether the change
in weather or our declining energy levels at this time of year had precipitated
the shift in student behavior, it was not taken kindly by a few of my peers."
This week I feel a tremendous need to think about the anger and violence
that has been erupting at our school. We don't usually have fights, but
for the last couple of weeks there have been fights happening after school
and even a few times inside either building. Yesterday, two girls jumped
up in one of my classes and started going through standard pre-fighting
posturing. I stopped it, but was very disturbed by how fast it happened
and by what I knew was coming next.
Do we chalk it up to the "changing weather...the full moon...these
kids today"? These questions and comments don't cut it for me, but
I'm not sure what does either. When I tried to pose the question about whether
the change in weather or our declining energy levels at this time of year
had precipitated the shift in student behavior, it was not taken kindly
by a few of my peers.
I don't choose to go into the crackdown, prison guard mentality. I cringe
when teachers talk about the kids like we're the guards and they're the
mob or the inmates. Aside from the obvious problems this approach reflects
in terms of our views of the kids, it also seems to me that this mentality
looks at the rest of the year as something to endure and get through as
opposed to three and a half more months of learning possibilities...
After eleven Springs, I want something more. I want a proactive response
to this annual dilemma. I also want an understanding that's multi-dimensional
and addresses the real feelings of all concerned.
Maybe it's because I grew up in a neighborhood where "saving face"
was important, but I understood what went on in my room yesterday. I understood
when one of my girls cried and said, "I can't let anybody talk to me
like that!" I can even hear my own mother echoed when parents tell
their kids to fight back. So what do I do?
On an individual basis I spoke to Jenna and we discussed what being a "punk"
is and what it isn't. We talked about alternative ways of dealing with tense
situations, but I still understood her conflicted feelings.
We can't just say, "tell the teacher" because that's unrealistic
on a number of levels. First of all, nobody likes a tattletale, including
teachers and secondly, these kids have to be able to live in their peer
group both inside and outside of school.
I hear myself talking to kids about how times have changed and about how
fighting doesn't solve anything. I talk about how foolish it is when friends
hurt friends. I say all the things we say in these situations and yet I
feel hollow inside. It's this gut feeling and the rising incidence of fights
that's disturbing me now.
I also wonder how the parents feel. Are they confused too? I know it was
confusing to me when my kids were coming up. I didn't want them to fight,
but I didn't want them to be seen as wimps either. As a parent, I counted
on the school's protection of my kids, but that didn't always stop the bullies,
especially on the way home from school.
At one point, my mother intervened and told my then-6th-grade daughter to
hit a particular girl back as hard as she could. My daughter took her advice
and the girl left her alone after that. Does that mean fighting solves conflicts?
I don't think so, but I wouldn't let someone hit me without hitting them
back. This is so contradictory for me and I know it is for the kids and
their families too.
So what do we do? Do we put a program into place that teaches kids about
conflict resolution? We certainly seem to need one. Some kids have a lot
of rage. They wear it to school and the slightest bump or look is enough
to set it off. Do we set up special sessions to get them help with anger
management?
Setting up such a program and campaign requires time, training and materials.
It means an all-out effort with teachers, staff, parents and students. It
can't just be a "we don't do that here" kind of thing and it can't
just be a reaction to fighting in the Spring.
It means examining our tone in dealing with the kids and parents too. Is
a "tone of decency" being practised in all of our dealings with
each other or does sarcasm creep into our voices when we're tired, or frustrated?
Are we setting the tone in our school's halls or are we too tired to step
outside the door between classes because our contract says we're not obliged
to act as hall monitors?
Would our program also address the glamorized violence in our culture? Look
at all the movies, TV shows and video games that are out there. The other
day, a few of my boys were talking to me about computer games that are banned.
They said one game gives bonus points for running over a pregnant woman!
Who designs and markets these games and if they're banned, why have my kids
seen them?
I know some schools teach anti-violence and anti-bullying units. Just today
someone from Australia posted a website on Middle-L
listserv (http://www.OntheNet.com.au/~townsend/anti-bullying.htm)
I'm going to check it out and suggest that my students do so as well.
Clearly, we need a full discussion of these problems and I'm not so naive
as to think we'll resolve this for this year, but I'm not willing to keep
keeping the lid on in the Spring. Luckily, we have a Council meeting on
Tuesday and an all-day staff meeting on the 16th, maybe I'll write a variation
on this entry to share with my colleagues. . . .
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