Entry #31 - April 26, 1999


"Students identified all the different ways that people separate themselves -- by 'gear,' by whether you had a boyfriend/girlfriend, where you lived, how you talked, walked etc. They really opened up about their feelings. I didn't need to say much at all."

As the week began I was still wondering how I might reorganize my classroom so that students --their interests and their voice -- are the keystone of all our lessons and activities. I planned to visit Montessori sites on the web to do research about this method and its place in the middle school. I also planned to start roughing out a grant application to get supplies for my tech-ed program next Fall.

Then I came home and turned on the news of Columbine High and my plans stalled as I tried to make some sense of what I was watching, hearing and feeling. I turned to friends and family on-line and on the phone for reassurance, for support, for some sense of how we as teachers, as people, should respond.

While I hate the media circus that surrounds any tragedy, I found myself glued to the set, anxious for some key piece of information that would help me understand this senseless horror. I learned nothing from the coverage that would help me the next morning. I went to school feeling confused and rather unsure of what my students' reactions might be.

I decided to ask my kids what they'd heard and whether they wanted to watch Good Morning America. We watched it for awhile and basically tried to get our facts straight. We shared our mutual confusion and got back to work on our standardized tests and our Earth Day preparations.

Yesterday, we got word that our TV's would come on for the President's live meeting at a high school in VA. After a few technical problems, we all settled in to watch the conversation. About three-fourths of my students watched attentively, while the last quarter either dozed or chatted and laughed nervously.

I've never been good at handling inappropriate laughter, and I scolded the students who were offending me. I assumed that they weren't taking the situation seriously and my assumption offended one of them. She stated clearly that I couldn't say how she felt because I didn't know. I was bothered by her assertion all evening and came to the conclusion that she was right on the mark.

It was presumptous of me, a white teacher, to assume that I could understand how she, an African-American, felt or processed the news that two young, white men had gone gunning for jocks and minorities in particular.

In addition, I think it was short-sighted to expect middle school students to feel comfortable in such a large group setting without more of a focus for their anxieties and attention.

Both of these realizations shaped my approach this morning. I developed a sheet for students to fill out about the Colorado tragedy and their ideas and feelings about our school. I also apologized to Kia and the class about my assumption about her feelings.

I asked students what the situation in Colorado had to do with us, here in Philadelphia, and I asked if they felt safe and connected at our school. I also asked if they were interested in peer mediation and if they thought it could work at Central East.

I gave my kids the right to sign their papers or remain anonymous. I stressed that I wanted to know how they really felt and not just what they thought I'd like to hear.

They wrote for about twenty minutes and then passed in their papers. I started a discussion about groups or cliques. I quoted the Columbine student who'd told a reporter that " everybody hates somebody here...It's normal isn't it?" I asked what they thought about the student's statement and whether they felt it was true at our school.

We had a substantial discussion about what hate means and settled on the fact that it meant wishing someone was dead. We agreed that we didn't like everyone all of the time, but that hate was too strong a term for our dislikes. We also talked about groups and whether their membership had to be exclusive and based on a pecking order of who was cool and who was not.

Students identified all the different ways that people separate themselves -- by "gear," by whether you had a boyfriend/girlfriend, where you lived, how you talked, walked etc. They really opened up about their feelings. I didn't need to say much at all.

In another class, one student blasted those forces who are calling for metal detectors and armed guards in every school. He said we shouldn't make our schools into prisons. Another student talked about the "home away from home" feeling in our annex because everybody knows you. The kids contrasted this feeling to the way they feel when they visit our main building a half block away. (Our building houses about 300 kids and the main building has about 800.) I told the kids that lots of teachers on our Annenberg listserv were pointing out the anonymity inherent in large factory model schools as a big source of the problem our kids face.

The subject of uniforms came up repeatedly, with students coming down on both sides of the issue. Most students admitted that they thought wearing uniforms would cut down on snobbery based on name brands vs. generic clothing, but many felt this was only a surface issue. They said they thought kids would just look for other ways to divide and judge each other.

On the appeal of violence, I did ask the kids why they all rushed over to the scene of any real or imagined student fight. They said it was just like people watching boxing matches, that it was entertaining.... I said that I hated boxing and football, but admitted that I did like my fair share of Lethal Weapon-type movies. I tried to make a distinction between real and make-believe violence, but it sounded hollow to all of us. It's obvious that I need to think this one through some more.

Whenever the discussion really got going, the bell would ring and it was on to the next class. Even so, I felt much better about our connection today. I promised to read all of their responses over the weekend and I'll probably write up a summary to distribute on Monday. We're not finished talking, but we have clearly made a start.

There seems to be a recurrent theme these last couple of months... I get concerned or confused, I break down and ask the kids what they think, they tell me and I feel much more focused. Maybe we can start skipping the concerned, confused stage if I just start listening to them on a regular basis!

Perhaps we all had better start listening and taking our young people more seriously. As the news continues to pour out of Colorado, it seems that there were plenty of explicit warnings given, so why do we keep refusing to listen?

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