Entry #33 - May 10, 1999
"I'm trying to process all of this as a teacher, as a parent
and as a citizen. Perhaps more importantly, I'm trying to wear those three
hats at the same time. The teacher and citizen says, 'schools need to stay
open and the business of education must go on as normal.' The parent, the
one getting ready to leave for a college graduation this afternoon, feels
pangs of doubt and fear."
Our school continues to move forward relatively untouched by explicit bomb
threats or incidents which may be linked to Columbine. However, this week
a group of high school students, one of whom was a sibling of a CEM student,
staged a fight outside our school at dismissal.
We were caught unaware and the police were slow to respond to calls for
assistance. Consequently, at least one teacher's car was damaged from kids
standing or jumping on the roof and a teacher was bitten as she became caught
in the middle of this rather large disturbance.
We have never experienced anything like this fight before and as I said,
the students were not even our present or former kids. Teachers who witnessed
the scene were badly shaken and rumors of a repeat set the tone for yesterday's
dismissal. Police and school officials were out in force yesterday and the
front of our main building was cleared quickly and quietly.
On another note, a teacher wrote to Middle-L asking the rest of us if we'd
heard the rumored national call to violence for Monday, May 10th. The teacher
went on to say that in MD, the state testing schedule had been changed in
recognition of potentially high absenteeism due to parents fearful response
to this widespread rumor.
My first response was to assume that the rumor was a hoax. I asked the author
of the message to verify the source of their information about MD. Unfortunately,
the teacher/parent who sent the message was both willing and able to document
her information.
Now, teachers are looking for the potential significance of the May 10th
date and schools are vascillating between a hard line on absenteeism and
notification of parents about rumored problems.
I'm trying to process all of this as a teacher, as a parent and as a citizen.
Perhaps more importantly, I'm trying to wear those three hats at the same
time. The teacher and citizen says, "schools need to stay open and
the business of education must go on as normal". The parent, the one
getting ready to leave for a college graduation this afternoon, feels pangs
of doubt and fear.
I will work past the somewhat hollow feeling in my stomach as today wears
on, but I can't help but feel relieved that my kids are grown. It's the
parent hat which keeps getting in the way of my rational vision. I will
urge others to respond to rumors with a show of strength. I'll continue
to work in a school that moves forward proactively as opposed to one which
reacts in fear of potential violence, BUT I must confess to nagging doubts
of "what if" as I think about having the responsiblity to protect
the children of others who have been entrusted to my/our care...
As I write this I can feel my fear turning to anger. I resent having to
worry about senseless violence. There's no more room on the plate of things
to consider as we try to educate our students. Last week our police commissioner
spoke of the need to keep schools safe without turning them into prison
like environments and I heard my own and my students sentiments echoed in
his words.
Commissioner Timoney also quoted Kwame Toure ne Stokley Carmichael, who
said that "violence was as American as apple pie", way back in
the 60's, a time many of us had the luxury of seeing as friendlier. Perhaps
it's time to take stock of Mr. Toure's insights now. Perhaps it's time to
stop dividing up the blame between parents, teachers, the media or whomever
the scapegoat of the moment is, and just work together to solve it.
I have no stomach for a life lived in fear, nor do I care to endanger anyone's
children or myself. It's time to rebuild our sense of community or maybe
it's time to build a new community, one where we're all safe together, one
that hasn't existed yet in our country.
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