Entry #37 - June 14, 1999
"I went back to vist an eighth grade teacher once and she acted
rather detached. I felt hurt-- as though I'd been foolish in thinking she
had cared. But now I know she had just moved on and was unsure of herself
with the 'new' me. That experience taught me to never pull back."
While I try to avoid it, the countdown is unavoidable. End-of-the-term activities
are in full flower. Friday before last I traveled to Washington, D.C. on
the eighth grade trip. Last Thursday, I attended another awards ceremony
for our undefeated, girls' softball team -- our fifth, consecutive, undefeated
season!
This past week exams were being given at the high schools and that means
lots of early dismissals for our alums. Successful, former students have
been popping in regularly and it provides just the right shot of inspiration
during these days of records and restlessness.
This morning (Saturday), my rec room is filled with sleeping girls. We had
our annual "Ask the Girls" sleepover
last night and I'm sleepy but pleased this morning. Maybe it's the fatigue...but
I really enjoyed watching them last night as they had pillow fights and
did and re-did each other's hair styles. Luckily, my hair is quite short,
so I was spared.
June is always bittersweet for me. I guess it is for all teachers. You build
toward this "commencement," this moving away from middle school,
but you feel a tug as they leave you. I find myself wondering what they'll
remember, how they'll fare in high school and in life.
I guess it really comes down to wanting to know if I/we've made a difference
in their lives and in all our futures. When they come back to visit, taller,
more confident and accomplished, it's always a little awkward. They always
tell you how small the school looks and in my case, they enjoy commenting
on how short I look. It's as if you can hear them measuring up both their
middle years and you, and thinking about how people and things, which loomed
so large, now seem so much smaller.
I went back to vist an eighth grade teacher once and she acted rather detached.
I felt hurt-- as though I'd been foolish in thinking she had cared. But
now I know she had just moved on and was unsure of herself with the 'new'
me. That experience taught me to never pull back. I've decided that if they
take the time to come back, they're willing to hear all the standard comments
about how big they are, all the questions about their experiences and their
families -- the whole nine yards.
As I reread these paragraphs about students moving on and away, I'm reminded
of my grab bag of feelings about all the colleagues that are moving on this
year. Our district is faced with a high number of retirements because of
a lucrative package being offered this year. Retirements have in turn opened
up transfer and promotion opportunities and once again, our principal is
leaving.
My principal came on board in December, when
my former principal took a suburban position. I was really thrown by that
chain of unexpected events and was pleased with the smooth transition we
were able to make. My current principal is a colleague and a friend, as
was her predecessor. She is truly an instructional leader and has made her
mark in the short time she's been at our school.
Yesterday, she announced her promotion at an impromptu afterschool meeting.
There were tears and a palpable sense of confusion mixed with hurt filled
the room. I guess it's normal to feel a little abandoned. I can only hope
that more rational responses will prevail after a period of adjustment.
It's hard to keep reshuffling our school team, but it's the kids who need
to be protected from any abandonment of our program or goals. Regardless
of the real or imagined chaos which we experience, our students can't afford
a teacher response which says, "I'm not getting involved with another
administrator...so they can move on too" or "I'm just closing
my door and worrying about my classroom...".
Luckily, we have a strong team at our school. I hope after a weekend to
digest the news, folks will realize that it's the team which makes the difference.
Maybe it's because teachers have forgotten how to see themselves as leaders
beyond their individual classrooms which makes administrative changes so
scary.
Building that self-awareness of our leadership is hard work because it comes
with a hefty price tag of taking responsibility. It means challenging ourselves
and our colleagues. It means challenging the staus quo that says we're just
so many technicians who need scripts we can follow to make student achievement
a reality.
My Critical Friends Group meets this week, and I can see that our agenda
will be shifted a bit with this new shift in circumnstances. However, I
hope we'll be able to see our way clear to proceed with our plans, welcoming
our next principal into our process, a process which belongs to all those
who rise to the occaision of reforming our schools with our students at
the center.
I have been touched and moved by my association with my principals, just
as I am affected by so many of my students. I would not trade my brief experiences
with the two of them for twenty years with an administrator who lacked vision.
Having said that, I do hope our Vice Principal moves up and that our transition
goes smoothly...time will tell.
Read next week's entry >>>
<<< Read last week's entry
Post a comment about this
week's diary entry
Find out more about Deborah
Back to Middle School Diaries index