ELLEN
BERG
Diary #20
Be
Still,
My Frantic Throbbing Heart
I have decided I am going to boycott any further professional development sessions for my sanity.
Each time I attend workshops, my head fairly erupts from all the new ideas, questions, and general reorganization of everything I have ever learned in the area of teaching. Here, a day after a brilliant workshop on creating proficient writers, I find myself tempted to bellow a Sam Kennison-style yell in sheer frustration.
If excitement is the yin of professional development, frustration is certainly the yang. Saturday morning, Willy Wood, a former language arts director for the state department of elementary and secondary education, asked us to think about what all writers (not just students) need to be successful. In our groups we brainstormed things like time, passion/knowledge of/and interest in a subject, support, an understanding of audience and purpose, and several other things. As we reflected further, we realized that many times we do not set up these same conditions for our students in our classrooms. Even though we know what works for kids. Even though we want to. Why? The TEST. Parent and district expectations. Time. Fear of missing something. Curriculum guides. Doubt. Lots of stuff.It is much safer for us to carefully map our curriculums, create assignments that match standards, and teach our children how to be good test takers. However, as we take the safe route, we model to our students that taking risks is not a good thing to do. We also tell them that we do not trust them or their intellects enough to give credence to their choices and ideas.
No time to practice good practice
Mr. Wood asked us to think about how we could infuse our classrooms with more of what works for kids (and the rest of us for that matter) concerning writing. He introduced the idea of writing workshop as a structure that lends itself to effective writing instruction, but also approved of integrating child-centered practice in non-workshop settings. Among his suggestions are:*Providing flexibility of student pacing (turn in a piece when it is done, not due)Okay, so what he is advocating is not anything new or groundbreaking for anyone who knows anything about effective writing practice. Unfortunately, however, many classrooms (including mine much of the time) are devoid of these things, not in some attempt to control students, but because it seems quite impossible to reconcile district expectations and pressures with good practice. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! And so, here in St. Louis at 10:51 PM, I am left with a million questions swirling around in my gray matter:
*Student choice of genre and topic
*Expecting students to send finished pieces to authentic audiences
*Allow students to choose what is worthy of evaluation
1. How will I ever get organized enough to be an effective reading/writing workshop teacher?
2. What if the kids use writing time to goof off instead of actually writing?
3. How do I get at least two grades a week in my grade book to satisfy my principal?
4. How do I explain what I am doing to my parents who expect to see a textbook or more traditional assignments?
5. What if a student never chooses to write an essay during the whole school year and the seventh grade teacher has to start from scratch to get the kids ready for the MAP test?
6. How do I meet all my curriculum objectives?
7. What about Lisa Delpit's assertion that African-American students need more structure than workshop settings afford? Is that true? How could/should I modify it?
8. How do I continue to prepare my children for the MAP test?
So I sit, trying to slow the frantic throbbing of my heart, hoping that somehow I will find the answers. I want to do what is best for my kids, but the system seems to be set up for the convenience of the adults rather than the students. I keep trying to get it all together, but just as I am starting to get a clear picture of "how to do it," new information gets added to the cauldron and I find myself starting all over again.
Learning will do that to you.
