JOANNE
PAYLING
Diary #6
Weighing Short-Term and Long-Term Priorities
This week I did not attend a districtwide new teacher orientation called BTSA or Beginning Teacher Support and Assessment. Last week I was invited and declined attending a Friday afternoon BTSA Kick-Off at a local restaurant where information, camaraderie and free hors d'oeuvres were being offered. By Friday afternoon, I reasoned, I am exhausted and just want to head home and kick off my shoes. Besides, I grumpily thought, I need classroom support and input, not joviality and drinks. Another, briefer, orientation was offered after school this past Thursday. I thought I would make it, but a parent asked for a "short" conference. No question of prioritizing there. When that meeting was finished, I knew I could still make the BTSA gathering, albeit a bit late. However, I still had to prepare the list of students' names for the mid-quarter progress reports due the next day by noon. Just the day before, I had finally finished inputting all my 192 students' names and grades into the grading software program I had found out about two weeks previously. I also had to get home to my daughter who would present her own 12-year-old needs to me. I decided not to go to BTSA. I have routinely been spending ten hours a day, six days a week working at this new career. For the most part I love every moment and feel like this career shift is the right choice. However, no matter how potentially beneficial BTSA may be, I find myself balking at participating.I firmly believe in the need and importance of new teacher support. So what is wrong with me? Why didn't I attend either orientation? Is it because I am expected to participate on my own time, time that is already consumed by making sure Kids Come First? Is it because I am bone-weary of meetings, after years and years of organizing or attending them in my previous lives?
What is the solution?
Is it because I have survived the first month with little outside help and believe I can continue to do so? Is it because I feel like I am being bribed to attend with promises of extra funds for materials and conferences? No, not really. I know everyone involved in this type of program is helpful and sincere. Once involved I would undoubtedly make friends and improve my teaching.
Bottom line, I have decided after much pondering, is that there isn't enough time to do it all. I am putting every ounce of energy I have into my classroom, with a little to spare for my daughter. By the time those priorities are met, there is no time . . . or energy . . . left. What is the solution? I honestly don't see one. Our district, like all California districts, does not have the funds for release time for new teachers to attend orientations, nor do we have a large enough pool of substitutes to cover such absences. Even the teacher I asked to be my mentor replied that she was more than willing provided she didn't have to attend any meetings. She is already involved in three after-school activities and doesn't have the time. I don't have any answers on this one. As usual, I am filled with questions and trepidation instead. Priorities come in two forms: short-term and long-term. I have yet to juggle them so they can co-exist. Short-term, I know I am giving my students my very best. Long-term, I know that best can be so much better, yet how do I find the time for that improvement? Perhaps that is the quintessential struggle of all caring teachers, new and experienced alike.
