JOANNE
PAYLING
Diary #29
I
Never Thought I Could
Truly Dislike a 13-Year-Old
I don't like one of my students. In my early naiveté, I never thought I would feel that way about a 13-year-old. After all, this age group is still in formation, and they can be molded and influenced, right? Yet, after giving every benefit of the doubt, after bending over backwards to understand, I discover it is possible not to like an 8th grade student.
Since September, I have discovered many 8th grade behaviors I don't particularly like. Their innate need to chatter, even during necessarily enforced quiet times, and their lack of excitement about studying language arts are two areas that constantly frustrate me. However, behind those behaviors, I have gotten to know delightful, intelligent, inquisitive, and friendly young people. This age group is engaging and challenging, two personality facets I appreciate and enjoy. Since the beginning of the year, though, I have had one student who insists on being the center of attention in all class scenarios. Actually, he is like this in every school situation. I can handle class clowns. I can understand the bored student. I can usually get through to disruptive students. But this student is all those things rolled into one with the additional trait of total self absorption and a "Me First and Me Only" attitude. He has illustrated this to me over and over.In spite of a class rule to raise one's hand, he repeatedly interrupts and calls out loudly. In role-playing activities, he inevitably turns whatever he can into something raunchy. He wanders the classroom at will, always with a valid excuse at the ready. He needs a tissue, and blowing his nose becomes a major production played for as many laughs as possible. He has to sharpen his pencil, and he takes that opportunity to flirt with every attractive girl on the way.
When he decides to participate in classroom discussion, he either calls out a response, or he waves his hand furiously, demanding that I take note. Out of context loud guffaws, louder sighs, and even pretend snoring has emanated from his seat.
I have watched as he has allowed the whole class to receive a lunch detention when he was the ringleader. He knew he only had to admit responsibility and only he would have been detained. I have watched as he has stepped aside and let his "best friend" take the rap for an infraction. I have allowed him to make up work that he initially refused to do, only to have him copy another student's answers. I have listened as he laughingly blurts out in class, "Oh, Ms. Payling, I've fooled you so many times, you don't have any idea!"This student has me stymied. At first I wanted to like him, to understand and excuse his distractions and disruptions as those of a needy child. The more I attempted to be supportive and encouraging, the more he took advantage of me. I have spoken to other teachers who are familiar with his behaviors and none of their suggestions have worked. The more attention he gets, the more he demands; the more one ignores his disruptive behaviors, the more he escalates them.
At one point I had hoped peer pressure would pull him into line, especially when I assigned the whole class detention, but the majority of students find him entertaining and laugh at his antics. He is handsome, a sports star, and charismatically popular. The only students not impressed with him are the minority who view classroom learning as a worthy goal.
I'm enduring him
I have tried everything I can think of, as well as the ideas of others. I have given him leadership roles that he has abused. Peer pressure doesn't work, since he is the leader, and they the followers. Having him sit in the hallway offers only temporary respite. He views lunch detention as a joke. A referral to the office is perceived a bit more seriously, but he soon forgets that consequence. Unfortunately, this student has lost my support. I am enduring him and cracking down on him, allowing him no leeway to segue into any possibly inappropriate behaviors. There are new and previously unthinkable classroom rules, such as The-Appropriate-Way-to-Blow-One's-Nose-in-Class Rule. And, inevitably perhaps, I have learned not to like him. I don't like the way he uses others for his own benefit. I have seen the hurt look in his best friend's eyes. I know how I feel when my attempts to work with him have been nonchalantly tossed back in my face. My last step is to again approach our administration and counseling. It is time to set up a conference with this student, his parents, and a counselor. I wasn't going to take this step for several reasons, but I now know I must. As a first-year teacher, I have never had to explain to parents that their child's behavior, not his grades, is the issue. But, if there is any hope for an attitude adjustment - his or mine - then I have to try it. I wonder, though, as my teaching career progresses, how many other students like this one will I have? How will I reach them? No teacher wants to give up on a student or dread his/her presence in class. And I come away from this year learning that it is, indeed, possible to dislike a student. And that makes me very, very sad.
