MARSHA
RATZEL
Diary #15
Anxiety
-- then Relief.
National Board Certified!
I just found out today that I passed my National Board Certification in Middle School Science. In a couple of days, I'm hoping that I can get down right giddy, but right now I am mostly stunned and relieved.
On Monday I heard that the results were going to be announced. Up to that point, I had been telling myself it was no big deal either way. That the process was good for me and I had learned so much. But the pit of stomach now told me otherwise. A very deep level of panic gripped me that I wouldn't pass and that I would be humiliated. I spent three days calming myself down and bracing for the worse. I never really succeeded in getting there but I survived.I was extremely lucky to have gone through the process with another teacher in my building. We didn't know the other had applied until we were both into the process. Along the way we compared notes, read each other's stuff, and helped in anyway we could think of. We assembled our boxes together. We talked on the phone several times. We promised each other to be gentle if we both didn't pass and to celebrate wildly if we both passed. And we made a pact that if one passed and the other didn't, we would work together until we both passed. I consider myself blessed to have had someone to go through all this with me and hope that I was a blessing to her.
The moment of truth!
So Friday rolled around and I logged onto the web to check to see if I passed. I entered my candidate number, date of birth and social security number. The screen popped up and said Congratulations!!! I couldn't believe it. So I closed out the window, opened up another Internet Explorer window and re-entered the three identifiers. The website again reported that I had passed. I felt in shock. All that work. All that worry. All this time waiting, wondering, anticipating. And it came down to two sentences announcing I had done it.I went to work where all my colleagues were elated and they helped me adjust to the fact I actually had passed. Then I tentatively called my friend. And found out she passed as well. She asked me if I had printed out the congratulations screen. It hadn't even occurred to me and then I panicked that maybe I had read it wrong. What if I was telling everyone that I passed when in fact I hadn't? So I immediately re-logged onto the National Board site and entered my data. To my great relief, it again said I had passed and this time I printed it out.
A wonderful thing for our district
There were ten of us who went for certification in my district this year. So far, I've checked with all of them and seven have passed, one did not, and two didn't want to talk about it until Monday. No matter the outcome, it is a wonderful thing for our district to have so many pass the first time through.
And I weep for the one that hasn't passed. Especially if she turns out to be the only one of the ten that didn't make it. How lonely and isolated she will feel. That breaks my heart. I'm resolved to lead the effort of the rest of our candidate class to support her through the "redos", once she's recovered from this setback and is ready.
I am a firm believer that this is the single most effective way our district can bring about change from the grassroots. It just makes sense because National Certification makes you learn how to teach from standards, to use assessment, to individualize instruction, to ruthlessly critique yourself, and to professionally grow. With the addition of my candidate class, we are/can build momentum to get the policymakers to realize what a powerful tool they have within their grasp. I'm working on getting over the relief stage and moving onto the celebration stage. If you hear loud cheering from the Midwest, you'll know who it is!!!
