ANN
BIANCHETTI
Final Diary
#31
Dark
Clouds and Sunshine
At church today my priest told a little story that resonates with my teaching year. He told of a grandmother taking her grandchild to a revival. The grandchild, seeing people jumping high, says, "They are sure filled with the Holy Spirit." The grandmother says in reply, "That may be. But it doesn't matter how high you jump, it matters what you do when you come down."
I feel that sums up the highs and lows of this school year. I may have been filled with the spirit of good teaching and energizing ideas and strategies but did my actions on the ground measure up? Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
I began this year writing in my introduction piece about a goal of "getting back in touch with what I love about teaching and education." I was, so to speak, filled with the spirit of teaching. I was jumping high. 180 days later I find that I'm filled with frustrations, anger and sadness. I can't find that spark, that moment that reminds me why I love teaching. It all began to unravel when our district was suddenly and disruptively let loose from state control (see my background piece).
New Jersey decided, due to a huge state debt, to cut the "Abbott funding" for most of the state-control districts receiving it. As a result, local administrators and school board members suddenly were handed total control of a huge district and given no money to run it. It was a sloppy and irresponsible policy in my opinion and diminished my confidence in New Jersey's ability to care for all its children.
Fighting over the scraps
An unpleasant side effect of this switch back to local control was the in-fighting and back door politicking that characterizes many large city school districts. People began vying for power, each trying to bring down their opponents in any way possible. The school board meetings I went to were downright nasty, I almost expected tomatoes to be thrown. It hurt me to see adults acting so mean and destructive to each other in order to gain power and the advantages that go with it—ignoring the consequences their lust for control would have for the city's students. I wanted to remind them that this should be about the kids.
The state superintendent who was in charge when we were an Abbott district was the one who created the small academy schools, mine included. Now that the state is out, his position will soon be vacant. Some who want that job are attempting to highlight his weaknesses and errors in order to get elected (he is running again himself as a local superintendent). How best to do that? Find things wrong with his policy initiatives, especially the small academy schools. Since the state left we (and other academies) have been attacked by some families (one who has a student in my school) who want to see the state superintendent's opponents elected. We have been subjected to innumerable and illogical attacks about everything we do. Every day when the teachers walk into the building we wonder who will come in and attack us today. It has literally come to the point that everything we do (from our grading policy, to our discipline policy, to our performance policy, etc.) is challenged by these opponents. We jokingly ask whenever we are about to start something new, "Hm, I wonder if I should ask Mr. X to see if he approves first?"Diamonds to rust
It feels like our school has suddenly exploded. For four years we were a happy, successful place for students to learn. We were called the "Diamonds of the district." People came to us to see what a good, small, city middle school could do. Now, with the attacks from the parents who support the other superintendent candidates, the serious mistakes made by higher ups suddenly given control of a district (mistakes that hurt our children and our ability to teach), the severe budget cuts that threaten our school's ability to function, and the chaotic political climate on the school board, you're looking at one very stressed out teacher!
I also feel frazzled by two students in my eighth grade who have been repeatedly disrespectful to all the teachers. They have been so disruptive that they are now suspended. However, before that happened there were quite a few verbal (and sometimes physical) confrontations between these students and other teachers, including myself. I feel disappointed that I was not able to maintain classroom control and frustrated that I allowed myself to engage in a power struggle with students.Rays of sunlight
However, given all these negatives, at the end of this school year I do see some light. I am proud that I met three of my goals stated in the beginning.
1) I did
improve my teaching of social studies skills, especially with my sixth
grade. They recently completed research papers for me and it was evident
students had mastered the skills I taught them about historical research.
I was very proud of them.
2) I wanted to conduct research on students in a democracy and look at
how students view citizenship. Through my graduate education program I
am doing just that. It is amazing what I am hearing kids say. Even those,
including my own students, who have experienced racism or rights violations,
express a love for and appreciation of America. I am moved by their willingness
to endure and to fight so that, in the words of one student, "the future
can be better for everybody."
3) In September I wrote that I wanted to create a stronger student council
and I feel that this may be my most successful goal. My student council
has grown to include more students than ever before and we have traveled
to more state student council events that even I dreamed we would. Despite
a major setback in March when our conference trip was cancelled, my council
kids managed to thrive and plan and carry out exceptional activities for
the student body. They've also learned about the democratic process and
conduct meetings that rival high school events. I can't take all the credit
for achieving this goal. The student council kids (especially the officers)
deserve most of the applause.
