CAROLYN
BEITZEL
Diary #20
Real
People and Real Lives
Some deep breaths
Most of the students in my last class did not want to take our discussion seriously. They could not put themselves in Mr. Ballou's shoes, so I thought maybe they could apply his feelings to a current military event. I was wrong.
When asked what they might ask someone who was in the Middle East or going there to fight one reply was: "Yo. How you doin'?" Another student shouted out, "How's the weather?" and another, "Kill anyone yet?" Definitely not the reaction I was anticipating.
I sat down and literally hung my head and took several deep breaths.Then I looked them all straight in the eye and said, "I did not think that you would be unable to show feelings for another American who might see combat and die in the process." I also said, "I was sure that you would be able to relate how Mr. Ballou felt about fighting for his country to someone today. You have disappointed me by not taking this task seriously. I would like to try it again." When I was their age in junior high school I was embroiled in the endgame of the Vietnam War. I watched the news and read the papers. I wore my POW-MIA bracelet proudly everyday, hoping and praying that the soldier fighting "over there" would return. He did not. I glued myself to the television when plane after plane touched down on US soil and returned men and women to a country that did not know what to do with them.
I know that, developmentally, young adolescents are often focused on "me, me, me." But when did our children become immune to world and national tragedy? Is such tragedy so commonplace that another war, another terrorist attack, another health crisis or another burning nightclub is just another everyday occurrence? Or is it that they aren't aware of these issues in the first place?
Our school is collecting pennies for leukemia, a disease that took the life of one of the beloved teachers in our own building. Hasn't the lack of empathy gone too far when we cannot even get them to part with pennies for a cause? Pennies, for crying out loud! Those copper throw-aways that don't buy anything in today's world and collect dust in the junk drawer of our kitchens. My homeroom has yet to donate just one dollar. Neither did I get one can for the food drive at the holidays.
A foreign environment
I was angry with this class and I was angry with myself for getting mad at them.
One student came up to me after class and told me that her brother was in Afghanistan. I asked her, "How did you feel when this class was making fun of people who feel strongly about supporting their government during crisis?" Her reply: "Mrs. Beitzel, it is just one person's opinion. I know how proud of my brother my Mom and I am, and also scared. That's what matters to me." "Didn't they make you mad?" I asked. "Yes, but I didn't want to tell them that," she said.
It is hard to teach in an environment that I personally feel is foreign to me. I struggle everyday to relate to my students. It is so frustrating when I want to take them to another level of learning and they just won't budge from the comfy spot they are in. It is disheartening and discouraging to teach in a place where there is such a lack of fellowship for other human beings. Maybe we do need to stand up for others and ourselves and expect people to start caring again. No one told me that teaching children would be so hard, emotionally and physically. I am not giving up, however. Those children at my school need me. And I need them as well. They challenge me and help me grow in my profession and as a person. Some days are a little rockier than others. As someone said this week, the strength of a mighty river comes from one raindrop. I am the raindrop.
